External Harmony

We're All Adults Here

2009-02-20T00:28:00.004-05:00

I was recently in a situation where there was a lot of "I'm not sure what he thinks of me," "I think he likes me," "he always returns my calls right away," "hmmm... I haven't heard from him in a little while," and finally, "uhhh, yeah, he's definitely not into me." This situation is annoying. It stresses me out and wastes my time.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with dudes being in a different place than me or just not being into me (ok, I have a small problem with that). What I DO have a problem with, however, is the way that an overwhelming majority of people will just sort of hide and hope the unwanted person goes away, rather than actually communicate their thoughts. Not only does this lead to a lot of overthinking, but I think it increases the potential for awkwardness later on.

I was once dating a guy who flat out told me he didn't want to stop sleeping with other girls. A bit taken aback, I said, "Ok. Well, we're not going to keep sleeping together then." And it was over. And then many weeks later I ran into him out and about and then we kind of became fuck buddies. I was totally fine with it because I knew exactly where he stood. And therefore, where I stood.

My straight male best friend who I will not out here (but feel free to out yourself in the comments if you like) is, I believe, a permanent bachelor. He dates a lot of girls, rarely anything super serious. And he always got into situations where the girls would want more and he would be "trapped." I related the story of my above fuck buddy to him and told him how much I appreciated the honesty and maybe he should give it a shot. This sort of thing isn't easy, so I suggested the blurting technique I use whenever I find myself having to talk about something I don't want to talk about. Basically, it goes like this: just blurt it out. And make it something you can't backtrack from. You have to start big. In this case it would be, "I don't really want to date right now." This friend took my advice then and has been using it for the past few years with great success. Here's a conversation we had the other night:

Him: You know that girl that I had to have the talk with?
Me: No, I can't keep track of them all
Him: (describes her to me for a little while) Well, I had the talk with her and then we fucked the next night.

(Then some chatter back and forth. Then I don't really remember what we said, so I'll recreate/make up the rest of it.)

Him: Bringing it up and talking about it has really been working for me. It was hard at first, but it's gotten so much easier (he really did say that last part).
Me: YES! Please spread the word to all men. Just tell the truth (or something similar to it) right off the bat! Save us the ruminating!!!

I don't know that he's actually going to do that (DO IT!), so I'll do it here. Lay your cards on the table early on. Please. The worrying and wondering is for the 14-25ish stage. It's bullshit and it wastes precious time and brain energy. Now that we're a little older, please just stick with being up front about your thoughts and feelings.* We can take it. We're all adults here.

* This does not give you license to be a dick. Keep it civil.

Lex Has Emerged Mostly Unscathed

2009-02-16T21:09:00.003-05:00

My ex came to visit me this weekend. Yes, this weekend. Valentine's weekend. It was a coincidence... the timing worked well for him because he's about to move and I had an extra-long weekend free of work. I'm not even sure he realized ahead of time about the Valentine's thing because he is, well, he's very bad with dates and times. Worse than anyone you've ever met. I'll just leave it at that.
To recap our relationship VERY quickly. We dated for 3 years; we broke up when I moved here in September 2007. We talked on and off and I was still in love with him. I went back to my previous city for a wedding and hung out with him for what ended up being The Night I Was Least In Control Of My Emotions. Let's just say I wanted to get back with him, he visibly recoiled when I tried to touch him, I sobbed for about 5 hours, and I threw some shit, slashed a painting I had done, and threw away everything in his apartment that was mine or related to me. The next day, I took some Xanax for the first time ever to make it through, got on a plane and sent him an email from my phone saying I was deleting him from Facebook, IM, etc. and that I couldn't talk to him in any way for a while. He was only allowed to contact me if someone died. Thus began 7 months of self-imposed ex exile.

It helped me a lot and eventually I got to the point where I missed him because he's a good person that I want in my life, not because I was lonely and sad and wanted him back as a BF. So I contacted him again. It was pretty baby steps initially, but eventually I saw him for a night over New Year's. We were both nervous, but it went well and we were great at being Just Friends. So now he's moving and he needs some money and also wanted to hang out and it just so happens that I wanted to hang out, have some money, and wanted a painting for my living room (he's a painter). So he brought out a painting and we ate and drank and talked a lot. Over Valentine's weekend. I'm not going to say there weren't a couple of snags and some tears and some confusion, but we emerged in a good state. And I didn't sleep with him, despite that fact that EVERY ONE OF MY FRIENDS thought this would surely happen. All in all, pretty good stuff. I'm proud of me, I'm proud of him.

Oh Yeah

2009-02-11T23:31:00.001-05:00

Also, I'm back! Well, trying to be. We'll see how long I keep it up.

Things I Don't Understand

2009-02-11T22:50:00.003-05:00

1. Littering
2. People telling me they're going to do something and then not doing it/general blowing of smoke up my ass
3. Crocs
4. Government jobs
5. Men
6. Phish
There are probably more, but I haven't blogged in almost a year, so I'm still a little rusty. Bear with me.

Ok. Some of these things I understand a little bit.
1. I believe this stems from self-centeredness and a total lack of thought.
2. They're just trying to appease me and have no idea that, ultimately, I'm going to be way more annoyed.
3. For kids, I understand this. You can just hose these off. For adults, c'mon, you're adults. You have no excuse.
4. I work for the government. We waste a lot of money. A shit ton of money. Some of your taxes (a good bit of them?) are going down the drain. I think it's because of unions. I don't know enough about unions to talk shit about them, but I'm pretty sure total deadweights are keeping their jobs because of unions.
5. Ok, this one I don't understand at all. Enlighten me. PLEASE.
6. It must be the drugs. Well, I've tried a few drugs over the years and even those didn't make this horrifying music any better, so really, I don't know what it is.

Recycle Your Small Electronics for Free

2008-03-25T21:49:00.001-05:00

Just thought I'd post about this because I think it's awesome.

You get a prepaid envelope from the post office (make sure your city participates) and just send your old small electronics in. They refurbish it or reuse whatever parts they can. Good deal! Read this to learn more...

http://www.webwire.com/ViewPressRel.asp?aId=61331

Everything's Coming Up Millhouse, I mean Milhouse

2008-03-25T08:27:00.003-05:00

Life is getting better. This past weekend was my first normal person weekend. In other words, I hung out with people (instead of alone) and had a super fun time. ALL weekend! A little bit of this, a little bit of that, and a Thai massage. Good stuff!

I have to go to work now, so I can't expound, but I'm hoping/thinking I'm not going to be such a Debbie Downer anymore. Thank god, how tiring and off-putting!

A Reflection

2008-03-06T22:32:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow my brother is getting married and I have to say, I'm pretty... well, I was going to say "nonplussed," but I just looked it up and that's not what I mean. Um, what I'm trying to say is that I don't really have any strong feelings about his marriage and I'm wondering why that is. I am, of course, happy for him and her and happy that they make each other happy, but the whole marriage is not stirring up a whole lot of emotion for me. Here are some guesses as to why:

1. I'm emotionally dead inside. That one's just to be funny. Life has been rough lately, but I'm optimistic that it has not killed my outlook or potential for better things.

2. It's a small affair (him, her, me, her best friend--that's it. I will be serving as the witness/photographer).

3. They've been dating and living together for something like 8 or 9 years, so I kind of have "it's about time" feelings.

4. Maybe I don't really care about marriage. I really don't know what I think about marriage. I, myself, would like to be with someone, but I don't know that I've ever had strong feelings about making it official by putting it on paper. It seems like it's more official if you seal it with a baby or something. Also, I'm not a big fan of weddings. My ex seems to love weddings and I would think to myself, "If we ever get married, I'm just going to have to grin and bear it because he's definitely going to want something big." Looks like I won't be dealing with that though. Bullet dodged?

That's all I've come up with so far.

I love my brother dearly, even though he can be a real asshole sometimes. I know he's always got my back and we've always gotten along very well. He's prone to telling me what an awesome sister I am when he's drunk, which I find somewhat endearing. But anyway, it's been interesting to me in the past few weeks how ironic it is that my brother is currently experiencing one of his happiest moments while I am pretty much unhappy about every aspect of my life. That's a bit of an exaggeration. I like my hair, for example. But I'm not happy with 1) my job, 2) my lack of friends in this city, and 3) my lack of boyfriend. Those are pretty damn important things, so they are taking precedent over my good hair. The other day I stopped by my brother's and was walking home when he called me to tell me something he had forgotten to tell me while I was at his house. It went something like this:

"So I got home from my soccer game this morning and I was sitting on the floor with the dog because I didn't want to get the couch dirty and I started thinking about how great my life is. I've got an awesome girlfriend that I'm going to marry soon, I love my dog, we have a great apartment, I love my job. And then I looked down in the carpet and found a little nug of weed!"

My response: "So you found your own weed? Congratulations." It was kind of a bitter response, but I was laughing while I said it. And I appreciated how happy he is because you want your loved ones to be happy. But I couldn't help but thinking, "That's awesome. My life, on the other hand, sucks." I kept it to myself because there's no use bringing other people down.

And then the other day, I was telling him how I was having trouble sleeping. I wake up at 4 in the morning and my mind immediately starts racing. Once the brain starts moving, going back to sleep is impossible. He couldn't understand how I could be having trouble sleeping. I kind of wanted to yell, "Maybe it's because I hate my life right now!" I can't really kill his good mood though. It's good for me to be around and my hating my life only hits me hard every now and then. Most of the time it's an annoying thing that I just deal with, knowing that it will eventually get better. I have faith in that. I've moved enough to know that all of that takes time.

So I will just sit here quietly, basking in my brother's happiness, and doing what I can to make that moment when I start meeting people happen sooner.

HAHAHA. The last line's the best

2008-02-21T23:30:00.005-05:00

Should you think this is somehow about me, you're mistaken. Shame on you, you should know I don't really wear white.

One Year

2008-02-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

So here I am, exactly one year after I quit school and moved back to Atlanta from Spain. Here I am in Los Angeles writing about it. Thinking about the past year is pretty bittersweet, possibly more bitter than sweet, though I think my current situation is probably coloring that view. Here's why: I left school because I hated it and, as I explained to my advisor, I thought that I should be happy in both the work and personal/social parts of my life. I was happy with the social stuff (assuming everything would just fall back into place once I got back to the States, I guess), but I was very unhappy with school. So I left and that is still one of the best decisions I've ever made. Unfortunately, that good decision I think was followed by a whole slew of bad decisions which have ultimately lead me to where I am now: unhappy with both my personal/social and work lives. I know I need to have patience though. With the amount of change that I've experienced lately, of course everything is in turmoil. But those of you that know me well know that I am one of the least patient people around, so it's hard.

People say to me, "Well at least you're in LA, where you've always wanted to be," and that's kind of depressing because moving back here, though I do love it, made me realize that the place is not really the most important thing. Relationships--with friends, boyfriends, family--that's what really does it for me. And apologies to my family, but I know they'll always be there for me as long as they're alive, so I've already taken them somewhat for granted. So here I am with all of my best friends thousands of miles away and an ex-boyfriend that I wish was a current boyfriend who finds it too difficult to talk to me much (I could go on and on about this--what is it about guys and not being able to talk because it's too painful?? Both of my exes have said this to me and I saw the Savages last weekend and Philip Seymour Hoffman's character did it in that too!). The situation--my life, that is--is less than stellar.

So it looks like another renaissance for me, starting a year after my last renaissance. Slowly but surely, I have to remake my life into something that I love. It's fucking exhausting.

Guys Who Frequent Hookers Are Shitty Writers

2008-01-16T23:15:00.001-05:00

I just read about this site elsewhere and got sucked in (pun unintended). The site is called Letters from Johns and it's an interesting concept. It doesn't say much for johns though: the only guy who is a good writer penned the entry titled: "I Have Come to the Conclusion That Hookers Are Not For Me." Reading this is going to make you want to read the other entries. It's ok though. It's a new site and there aren't that many entries.

Friday is my Geburtstag. I have a bunch of friends flying in for it. I AM EXTREMELY EXCITED.

Merry Christmas to Me

2007-12-20T20:45:00.000-05:00

Once again I've fallen behind so much that it's pointless to try to catch up, so let's just say I have my own place now and a bed and life is better in that sense. I don't have any furniture yet, but my couch is in the warehouse, so I might by tomorrow!

So here's why it's Merry Christmas for me. The other night I came home and there were no parking spots (there is no parking at my apt.). I tried to squeeze into a spot and did a decent job. Until I realized the next day that I'd totally damaged the bumper of the guy in front of me. You see, here in California, license plates on the front of your car are mandatory. I'm not used to that and my car is somewhat ill-equipped for that. The set up right now makes it so that I basically have a bunch of sharp, puncture-y, scrapey stuff on my front bumper. Which I forget about.

There was a good amount of paint missing (a section larger than a candy bar) and some dents (almost-punctures). A good upbringing, guilt, and fear of karma all collided and I left a note, with my number. I was bummed because I'm very broke and that was pretty much the last thing I needed. But Kris Kringle must have felt my pain because that person never called me! It's been 4 days, so I'm feeling pretty safe, let's just hope I haven't jinxed myself.

Parents are coming into town tomorrow. A few hours later, I will be dining on a steak au poivre. MMMMMM...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

*****Update! The owner of car just called me. I didn't get the call, but she left the nicest message (and she has a totally soothing British accent). Anyway, she said that the paint had already been chipping off for a while and then she thanked me for leaving the note. Yay!!

Beyoncé

2007-10-29T18:00:00.000-05:00

So I just realized that Beyoncé spells her name with an accent on the last syllable.

But the accent is actually on the middle syllable.

Is this allowed?

Whoa.

2007-10-29T17:57:00.001-05:00

Are misused apostrophes a grammar issue or a punctuation issue? I just thought about that and I have no idea. A friend has just suggested that punctuation is part of grammar, a chapter in the grammar book. Not knowing this is somewhat perplexing to me, but not enough so that I will actually look it up. Just enough to make me write about it.

Misused Apostrophes

2007-10-22T14:56:00.002-05:00

Ah, the misused apostrophe, quite possible my biggest pet peeve (I have several, if I'm going to be honest). I don't know if they don't teach grammar any more or this is just something that people have forgotten since they were in grade school (because I think it's mostly adults who err in this way), but people put apostrophes where they shouldn't be or omit them entirely A LOT. I know, because I think I notice it every time. I feel sometimes as if I am plagued by misplaced apostrophes. I swear they're following me.

While it's possible that some of these are typos (I admit I just accidentally misused an apostrophe above [but FIXED it of course]), I see far too many of these for all these wandering apostrophes to exist in unintentional error.

A few months ago, I went to Canada for a wedding and had a four hour layover in Detroit on the way home. With nothing else to do, I planted myself at a bar with a book. I glanced up occasionally because the book wasn't that great and I noticed a sign advertising the following:

"JENNIFERS RECOMMENDED COCKTAIL'S"

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!?!?!?!??!?!!? Never had I seen this before. TWO apostrophe errors in the same phrase!

People seem to make the mistake because of the same incorrect/unknown/apparently irrelevant simple rules. Here's a little grammar lesson:

* Apostrophes show ownership. If the noun that is doing the owning is singular, the word should end in ('s). If that noun is plural, since there's already an s there, it should end in (s'). If the noun is one of those plural words that doesn't happen to end in s (for example, women), it should end in ('s). In other words, if it already ends in s, just add the apostrophe at the end. If not, it's ('s).

* WORDS NEVER NEED AN APOSTROPHE TO MAKE THEM PLURAL. I can't say that enough.

* Apostrophes are used in contractions. I don't have enough time to list all the contractions here, but I've used several in this post (two in this sentence). Contractions are two words put together, the first word spelled out completely, the second word truncated. The apostrophe stands for the missing letters and it should go where those missing letters would be. When I was a TA, I was horrified to learn that many of my students had apparently never learned about contractions. You wouldn't believe how many "would of"s and "should of"s I got in papers. In case you're reading this and are confused, "would've" is a contraction for "would have" and has nothing to do with "of."

* And finally, we come to "it's/its." This one can be tricky and I readily admit to thinking about it every time I write it (and to using the wrong one when in a rush). It is actually simple if you just stop to think about it. It's means "it is." Its is the one that shows ownership.

And there you have them. I think those are all the rules for apostrophes. I may have forgotten something–I'm no English teacher after all. But I was once an English student and, call me crazy, I thought that grammar was one of the few things I learned in school that would be useful for the rest of my life.

*Disclaimer* I'm not saying I never make grammatical errors. Or that I don't purposely misuse grammar for things like blog posts. I'm not an all-around grammar Nazi. It's really only the apostrophes (actually, the apostrophe's) that gets to me.

****UPDATE**** Do you guys read the comments? I'm not sure, but if you don't, manunderstress directed me to a blog that is based on quotation mark misuse. This particular grammatical error doesn't personally bug me as much, but the blog is awesome. Check it out and thanks, manunderstress!
p.s. this has possibly inspired me to start photographing all the stray apostrophes I see and to start accepting your submissions of the same. I'm not saying/promising that this is what this blog is going to turn into, but I am sort of feeling the need to document the extent of this grammatical tragedy. (Ha, I know that's overly dramatic, but it's 5:43 a.m. and I'm up for the day since my roomies/providers of shelter have chosen this ungodly hour to wake up.)

Rank Your Servants

2007-10-17T15:11:00.001-05:00

I am not a fan of cooking. While I'm not a shitty cook, I'm not great either and I enjoy eating great food. I also hate cooking for one because it's time consuming and I am a food-scarfer. I also get tired of the same food and leftovers frequently hibernate in the fridge for a few weeks until I admit to myself that I won't eat them and just throw them away.

So, if I could afford some sort of servant,* my first choice would be a cook. Not only would I not have to cook, but I think s/he would make me healthy stuff. And maybe buy my groceries (do they do that?). I mentioned this to my brother and he said he was going outside for a minute, but when he came back, we should have a conversation about our favorite servants. We didn't, so now I'm having it here with you, dear readers.

1. Cook
2. (tie) Driver, Massage Therapist

These are actually all I really need (need–ha!). The rest are more superfluous.

3. Personal shopper
4. Personal trainer
5. Housekeeper
6. Pool boy (or girl) At this point, I assume I would have a pool.
7. Aquarium specialist/consultant/tank cleaner (because I'd have crazy fish tanks at this point too)

Let's get back to #2 (the driver part). I have absolutely no idea why celebrities get DUIs. If I had that kind of money, I would have someone driving me around EVERYWHERE, DAY or NIGHT. I just don't get it. Imagine it–great night at the club, dancing on tables, drinking Cristal. How great would it be to just cuddle up and pass out in the backseat while your driver escorts you home?

So, if I can figure it out, I'm going to do a little poll (look to the right) and you can vote on your #1 servant.

*"Servant" seems like it's not the most PC word, but I can't think of an alternative.

Real Quick!

2007-10-16T15:21:00.001-05:00

I have a bunch of post ideas written down, but for now I'm going to do some reading. I think it will improve my writing. You can be the judge.

A Quick Catch Up

2007-10-14T17:33:00.000-05:00

So I'm in LA now. The road trip out was ok. Not fabulous, not terrible. C and I were both sick. The first day of driving (Atlanta-Memphis), C slept the whole time while I was tripping out on Day-Quil (I had to pull over for a little while so my eyes would stop doing crazy things). Went to Graceland, which was pretty cool. The 70s sure were colorful. And tacky.

We spent that night at a hotel that I think was a sex hotel. There was a sign at the check-in that said, "No X-Rated Movies." I thought they meant watching them; C thought they meant filming them. There was a BIG mirror on the wall next to the bed that could only be a sex mirror (right?). How can you have a mirror like that and prohibit filming? The place grossed me out a little and reminded me of a terrible stay at an Extended Stay America (which is a good story that I should tell here sometime), but was actually exponentially better. Nonetheless, I didn't shower. It would have required flip flops.

We drove 1000 miles the next day. And close to 1000 the next day. Here are some pix from that:

The Continental Divide (I think)

We went to an ostrich farm.

An amazing California sunset

And the low moon to the east

Got to California a day early after skipping the Grand Canyon.

C and I hung out for about a week. I was savoring my last bits of time with him. I cried a lot when he left and am weirded out and totally uncomfortable with the fact that I'm single now. I went to the dog park later that day and a straight guy started talking to me. He wasn't flirting, it was just idle dog park chatter but it freaked me out. I was short with him because I didn't want there to be any sort of misunderstanding, like I was flirting with him. Treating other people not nicely for this reason is lame, but I think a little unavoidable for now, until I get myself a little bit more under control.

I got a job! That's very exciting, but what's less than exciting is the fact that I have to wait 2-3 (or maybe 4) weeks until I can start it. It's with a highly bureaucratic place and paperwork, fingerprinting, and physicals are holding up the process. I'd like to get started as soon as possible because I'm curious about the job, but also because I need money. Without a paycheck, I can't get an apartment. Without an apartment, I can't use all of my stuff. You see, my stuff is all in boxes still, in my brother and his girlfriend's shed. They are extremely graciously hosting me during this homeless period. I am super thankful that they are so cool with my presence, but I need my own space and inflating and deflating my bed daily (not to mention not sleeping in a real bed) is getting to me.

I'm poor, so I can't do much. I would go to the beach, but that eats up a lot of gas. To pass the time and to possibly get the opportunity to make some cash, I tried out for a game show the other day. You haven't heard of it, trust me. It's advertised as "requiring no skill or trivia knowledge." It does involve deception, something I don't really have a lot of experience with. We'll see if I was cute and exciting enough to make the cut and play the game. I could win $10,000, which would be AMAZING, but I'm not banking on it.

That's pretty much all that's going on. I'm going to some shows (saw the Avengers, who still rock 25+ years after their prime), wasting a lot of time. Every now and then I think of little things/thoughts to blog about, but they are, um, little, so I haven't. But I've decided that brief is better than nothing, so I'll probably be doing some mini blog posts here and there. I've forgotten most of my ideas at the moment and I'm not feeling particularly creative anyway, so I'll leave them for later.

Amazing

2007-10-05T09:45:00.001-05:00

I Really Couldn't Have Said it Better

2007-09-05T19:38:00.000-05:00

When I tell people I'm moving to LA or that I love LA, more often than not (from people that have been there), I will get a response like, "Really??" These people–especially my mom–then ask me to tell them what I like about LA. You have all seen my list (which I would link if that option were functioning) already; responding with said list always ends up being a bit banal. It's like there's this essence that I'm incapable of putting into words. I just read this quote from David Lynch and I think he gets at part of it:

"I love Los Angeles. I know a lot of people go there and they see just a huge sprawl of sameness. But when you're there for awhile, you realize that each section has its own mood. The golden age of cinema is still alive there, in the smell of jasmine at night and the beautiful weather. And the light is inspiring and energizing. Even with smog, there's something about that light that's not harsh, but bright and smooth. It fills me with the feeling that all possibilities are available. I don't know why. It's different from the light in other places. It was the light that brought everybody to L.A. to make films in the early days. It's still a beautiful place.”

I particularly agree with the first two sentences. And there is something about the light, or maybe it's the sunsets. I just remember that I frequently found myself admiring the sky and very rarely did the thought ever come up that it looked that way because of the smog. I'm getting a little giddy about thinking of doing it again.

It's Just Funny To Hear Someone Say Orgasm So Much

2007-08-28T10:32:00.001-05:00

Yay! LA!

2007-08-17T09:30:00.000-05:00

Lest you think I sit around sobbing about my impending move all the time, here's a list of all the good LA stuff I've been thinking about (in no particular order):
1. The weather
2. The beach. Matador, specifically
3. In N Out Burger (protein style!)
4. Palm trees
5. My brother
6. Jack in the Box commercials
7. Being able to buy liquor (not just beer and wine) in the grocery store
8. Being able to buy any alcohol on Sunday
9. The preponderance of dive bars
10. My friends
11. The sausage platter at the Red Lion
12. Every movie I ever want to see is actually available for viewing in a theater somewhere
13. AMAZING MEXICAN FOOD
14. Much less segregation
15. Latin people
16. The possibility that I may be able to make some furniture at my friend Mel's carpentry studio
17. Downtown
18. A real job
19. LA Times Sunday crossword
20. The occasional celebrity sighting (not the ones you read about in the blogs)
21. Real news and good music on NPR
22. The sunsets

There are a lot more that I've thought about that aren't coming to me at the moment. I'll keep adding on.

How to Unpuff Your Eyes

2007-08-16T14:08:00.000-05:00

Last night I cried (well, sobbed, to be honest) for a while about leaving. About leaving my boyfriend, specifically. I don't like how that sounds, but I can't think of another way of putting it. Anyway, my point is that I woke up today looking more terrible than I ever have in my life. And having most, if not all, of my crazy years behind me, I've woken up looking pretty rough before. This was much, much worse. I was going to take a picture, but it was too awful. Both of my upper eyelids were incredibly swollen, and my left lower lid was doing something crazy too. Honest to God, it looked like I had been punched.

I'd been planning on going to yoga, but that was now not an option, so I set about figuring out how to bring down the swelling. I started with cold spoons. This was a technique that my ex taught me; apparently he was a big cryer, though I rarely saw him cry. I've never been that jazzed about the cold spoon thing though, I guess because I grew up in Michigan and am well acquainted with the wet skin frozen to metal phenomenon. And eye skin is so delicate!

But, I started with that because that's all I knew.

The spoons don't stay cold for very long, so I googled away and learned a few more tricks.

Next step: wrap ice cubes in paper towels, hold them your eyes. That one seemed like it worked pretty well, but got a little too cold and I felt like I was freezing my eyeballs.

My final treatment was getting a bowl of ice water and dipping a washcloth in it and resting that on my eyes. That was the most comfortable and I felt it was the most effective, but it was also the last thing I did, so who knows.

Now you know.

By the way, the whole time I was doing this, I was watching the Today show which ran segments about Graceland and the PCH. I'm going to Graceland on my way out west and I've always wanted to do a PCH trip, so I kept cheating and taking the ice cubes off of my eyes to see the tv. I walked the dog and then went shopping and no one asked me what was wrong, so I think all the eye treatments did a passable job.

It is Insanely Hot

2007-08-09T16:32:00.000-05:00

Hotlanta has really been living up to its name recently. The other night I came home from work at 11:30 p.m. and it was 89 degrees outside! No sun, but still 89! It's 5:30 p.m. now, but "feels like 104." Tomorrow's forecast says it's going to be 102. Went to a friend's pool to cool off yesterday to no avail because the pool was hot. Not warm, hot. Almost body temperature I would say. It's pretty overwhelming and entirely unpleasant.

The good news is that I am moving. I have mixed feelings about the move because I will miss a lot of people dearly and dear people a lot, but Atlanta will be dead to me climate-wise. Good riddance! I'm headed back to Los Angeles.

You know you live somewhere ridiculously hot when moving to the desert is a huge relief.

You Now Have a New Polling Place

2007-07-18T14:19:00.000-05:00

Blogger has a new polling thingy (check it out on the right). Basically I can make up random polls and you can vote on them. Given that the large spike in my viewer/readership is attributed to a whopping 7 people looking at my blog in one day, I'm not sure how many votes these polls will generate, but I thought I'd try it out. So vote away! Also please leave comments of anything you'd like to see polled.

I was going to do a posting on my mere-minutes-at-a-time of fame on the internet (a collection of various websites that have posted my picture or thoughts) but the one that I scored today has my name in it, and I'm trying to remain anonymous on here for those people who don't already know it's me. Since I can't include any links, I'll be vague:
1) Two (2) whole photographs in Creative Loafing, the "alternative weekly" (due totally to the fact that I have some friends that work there)
2) A question I wrote in answered in one of my favorite blogs

This is nowhere near as exciting as it would be if I could actually put the links in. Sorry.

About Those New Seven Wonders...

2007-07-16T13:55:00.000-05:00

Who gets to decide that it's time to revamp the seven wonders of the world? I'm not sure I'm in agreement with this move. When were the first seven first chosen? Which set is better? I'm doing a little research on this, just for you, dear reader. Then we can decide.

The Classic Wonders:

1. The Great Pyramid at Giza
2. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon
3. Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
4. Statue of Zeus at Olympia
5. Mausoleum of Maussollos at Halicarnassus
6. Colossus of Rhodes
7. Lighthouse of Alexandria

Okay, well Herodotus was one of the people who named them, so I'm going to say that gives the Classic Wonders a huge advantage. The list was compiled mostly by the ancient Greeks as sort of a tourists' guide. They didn't call them "wonders," they called them "must-sees." It's unfortunate wording for those of us living in the present day because they've all been destroyed.

During my "research" I discovered that there are several Seven Wonders lists. Some are pretty dumb. One man is responsible for all of them. He too is a travel writer, but he's no Herodotus.

On to the new set:

The Seven Wonders 2.0

1. The Great Wall of China
2. Petra Haha, just kidding.
3. Machu Picchu
4. Christ the Redeemer Statue
5. Chichen Itza
6. The Colosseum
7. The Taj Mahal

8. Whoa, the Great Pyramid only made it to "Honorary Candidate" on this list. Ouch.

I have been to a few of these wonders and I think they're pretty amazing (especially Machu Picchu), but I'm not so sure about the Christ the Redeemer thing. A statue? That's wonderous?!?!

So who wins?
It's hard to judge since I can't see the original wonders. I was going to say that the Christ the Redeemer statue knocked 2.0 out of the running, but there's a statue in the first set too. I think I might call it a draw. The Original Wonders win because of originality and authenticity. The New Wonders win because they have a broader geographical scope, I can go visit them, and most of them are pretty stunning.

P.S. If you're really into categorization of Seven Wonders, check this out.

How Does This Happen?

2007-07-16T13:07:00.000-05:00

Every time I make ice, I get one cube like this. Only one (though I make two trays), every time. Over time, the stalagmite shrinks. How/why does this happen? No, there isn't anything dripping from the ceiling of the freezer.

I Heart Scanner

2007-07-04T10:07:00.000-05:00

I am a regular reader of Nerve.com, particularly the Scanner section. I feel like I'm friends with the writers at Scanner, particularly Sarah because she's responded to every email I've ever sent (which is only two or three, don't think I'm some crazy fan!) and because she's from Michigan, which makes me feel like I know her. I particularly love her for a line in today's Scanner:

"American beer is shite. Sorry, hipsters, your Pabst Blue Ribbon is little but a punishment for that stupid haircut."

I don't really agree with the American beer is shite comment–a cold Budweiser can be very delicious at times–but I am SO with her on the stupid haircuts. And she's even more obsessed with the dramatic chipmunk than I am.

That's all for today (baby steps). Happy Fourth of July!

Dramatic Chipmunk

2007-06-28T15:19:00.001-05:00

me="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/a1Y73sPHKxw">
Ok, it's all over the web, and it's not even a chipmunk, but I can't stop watching this over and over again (giggling quietly to myself).

Hunh. Who Knew?

2007-05-02T16:57:00.000-05:00

It's been ages since I've last posted, so I have some catching up to do, but first let me regale you with this little tidbit of information. Ladies, did you know you have a vestibule? I don't mean in your house (you may or may not; I personally do not), but on you. Kind of in you, actually (but not totally).

I went in today for my annual exam (men: that means I was at the gynecologist) and found myself sitting around the exam room/second waiting room, staring at the posters of cartoonish STDs and diagrams of the female anatomy when I spotted it smack dab in the middle of the vulva: the vestibule. It seems so welcoming, having a vestibule.

Instead of posting a picture of a vagina on my blog for everyone to look at when they visit (if you really want to see it), I've decided to post the definition (this was also brought on by my curiosity about whether this particular meaning of vestibule made it into my pre-installed Mac dictionary, which I'm proud to say it did. Go Mac!). Lo and behold, everyone has a vestibule! Men have three and women have four!

Here's the defintion:
vestibule |ˈvestəˌbyoōl| noun
1 an antechamber, hall, or lobby next to the outer door of a building.
• an enclosed entrance compartment in a railroad car.

2 Anatomy a chamber or channel communicating with or opening into another, in particular
• the central cavity of the labyrinth of the inner ear.
• the part of the mouth outside the teeth.
• the space in the vulva into which both the urethra and vagina open.

So there you have today's great discovery.

I still don't have a job. My dad sent me a link to an article talking about how some people get offered jobs because of their blogs (and some people get turned down because of them). This made me wonder:
a) Does my dad know about and read my blog and was this a not-so-subtle hint to be a little bit more intelligent on it (clearly failing miserably with today's post)? and
b) Do potential employers read my blog?

I think I've managed to remain fairly anonymous on here, so hopefully the answer to both questions is no. Part of me doesn't really care though. This blog is for fun and it doesn't affect my ability to work, so judging me on anything that I've written here is kind of silly (unless it's a positive judgment). Really nothing I do in my free time affects my work and if anything, this blog gives me some writing practice. So there. Hire me. Please. If you're reading this. I'm smart, organized, efficient, and super reliable. I swear.

My New (Old) Place

2007-04-03T16:55:00.000-05:00

The gods are smiling upon me, at least on my living situation (not so much on the job situation). A few days after finding out that I didn't get the Google job, my old landlord called me. I'd been harassing him quite a bit, asking if anything was available in my old building.

I kept fantasizing about my old place–it was exactly what I was looking for: sizable, hardwoods (no gross carpet!), decent sized kitchen, upstairs (windows open when not home!), dogs allowed, lots of closet/storage space, central heating and air, and within walking distance of the bar, the grocery store, the movie theater, the 24-hour diner, and the best porch in Atlanta. My fantasizing, as it turns out, was not in vain (for the first time).

As I was saying, my landlord called me. He called me to tell me that the girl that had been living in my EXACT SAME APARTMENT had just given him notice that she was moving out in one week! I panicked a little, thinking about my total lack of income. He assured me that I could think about it for a few days and that he had no problem renting to an unemployed me. During those days, I asked people what they thought about me moving into a place that would eat my savings up more quickly than crashing with friends. The funny thing was, I was only asking people who I was pretty sure would tell me to take it. I thought for a while about whether to ask my parents about it. I've been getting a lot of advice from my parents lately–most of it requested, with some unsolicited nuggets of wisdom mixed in. My parents are awesome. Let me repeat that, my parents are awesome. Above all, they want me to be happy. That said, they are both extremely frugal, which has been a great example for me (no credit card debt!). I couldn't decide whether their desire to see me happy by being in my own place would outweigh their good pecuniary sense. It was too risky, so I kept the news to myself until I made the decision.

And of course I elected to take it (the folks thought it was a great idea. Again, they're awesome). I move in on Friday. I am SOOOOOOOOO excited! At last! Organization! Projects! Walking around in my underwear! Sleeping in my super-duper bed! Being messy when I want to! It will be a strange orgy of freedom and organization. I can't wait.

Otters holding hands

2007-03-30T12:11:00.001-05:00

This video is way too long, but I love otters. They are my favorite non-pet animals. So otters holding hands, well, it's almost too easy. When you get tired thinking about how cute the otters are, listen to the people's commentary. I've noticed this at zoos–people make kind of dumb commentary (I am not exempting myself from this). Like that time at the San Diego Zoo when several of us simultaneously noted the tapir's HUGE (bigger than his leg) penis. Or at the Barcelona zoo, looking at the monkey's blue balls (they're kind of a Tiffany blue). Or at just about every zoo I've been to when chimps do something very "human." I love otters. And zoos. But I'm pretty sure these otters are "holding hands" so they can float en masse, not because they're dating. I guess it does say something that they want to float together though.

A Transitional Period

2007-03-26T10:22:00.000-05:00

I've been pretty lax on posting lately, kind of because I was just lazy and uninspired, but also largely because I was applying for a job at Google. They own Blogger and I was paranoid that this blog was somehow going to affect my getting the job potential. I didn't get the job, so now I'm free to post again. I think probably they did read my blog. I mean, I told them I had one and I had a total of 8–yes, EIGHT–interviews/assessments with them. They're pretty thorough, so I imagine someone read my blog at some point.

They couldn't/wouldn't tell me why they didn't hire me, aside from saying that they were sure I was capable of the job, but thought someone else they were considering was a better fit. It's weird (to me) that they can't give you any constructive criticism because of legal reasons. Do people sue companies for being mean?!?! I don't really get it and no one's really been able to explain it to me, so if you can enlighten me, I would appreciate it.

During the course of the interviews, I started having working-at-Google fantasies. These mostly revolved around all of the free food they provide (I got to the point of thinking that maybe I didn't need an apartment with a kitchen) and their you-can-bring-your-dog-to-work policy. So I'm a bit sad about that loss (of something I never really had). I freaked out for about 15 minutes after I got the bad news. Okay, I was sobbing. It was terrifying. It is terrifying. I dropped out of school and am now homeless and jobless, with no opportunities for remedying either clearly visible at the moment. I still don't regret leaving school and C did an excellent job of calming me down, so I'm relatively good now.

But I'm back to square one. Maybe square zero.

Shortly after the Google rejection, I thought, "Hmmm... maybe this is a sign that I should try to pursue that career in carpentry (kind of my secret dream job)." I [sigh] googled "how to be a carpenter" and learned that you're supposed to start in high school, so, uh, oops. I have to admit that the prospect of having unsightly hands does sort of dissuade me from carpentry (but the creation of neat furniture!).

I've been looking at marketing, advertising (I have to admit that I don't totally know the difference between the two), project management, production, market research, etc. Oh, and volunteering at the dog shelter. And I briefly (very briefly) considered selling my toenail clippings to perverts, inspired by this article. I'm kind of all over the place, but I like to refer to it as "keeping my options open."

After lots of phone tag, I finally got the chance to talk to an old college buddy (L) last night. He's in a major transitional period now as well. He, in fact, coined this time period as "transitional," while I was calling it "floundering." His term is more positive, so I'm sticking to that. My best friend (M) is also on the verge of transitioning I think. Maybe it's because we've all recently turned 30. Well, L's job was basically uprooted for him, so I guess that's his reason. We all have our own reasons, but we all want change. And we're all a little unsure of what we really want and how to go about that.

I've reached that end of the post area where I start to ramble. If you have any words of wisdom, let me know and I'll pass them on to L and M for karmic purposes. And because they're great friends and I would do whatever I could to help.

As L suggested when we were trying to figure out if we'd be in the same city any time soon, "We can grab beers and cry into them. By which I mean be positive and determined, happening to life instead of letting it happen to us." Cheers to that.

This is Cool

2007-03-21T18:23:00.000-05:00

It's a little over the top, but sometimes you have to be like that to get the message across. Pretty good public health promotion in a sea of crappy ones.
http://www.scaryideas.com/print/2011/

Still Working on It

2007-03-20T19:29:00.000-05:00

Ok. Have changed the background to white, but I'm still not thrilled with how it looks. I'll be fiddling around with it...
Thanks for your comments!

What Do You Think About the New Look?

2007-03-16T10:56:00.000-05:00

I like it, but it might be a little dark. It doesn't correspond to my "Yay! It's spring!" mood.

And Now It's Time for an Unoriginal Anti-Hummer Rant

2007-03-16T09:09:00.001-05:00

I hate Hummers. Actually, all SUVs. As a small car driver, they frequently block the view ahead of me, which is annoying and dangerous. And then of course there's the gas-guzzlingness. It's beyond me why people spend so much money on a car only to then pay even more money on gas. I guess it's the conspicuous consumption stuff that Veblen talked about (in a nutshell, consuming a lot of expensive stuff in a public manner so people know you're rich, and therefore awesome). I think anyone who knows me would know that I think that conspicuous consumption is totally ridiculous (the concept makes total sense; the people who do it are the ridiculous ones).*

Comedian Patton Oswalt has a little Hummer rant in one of his bits. He makes a good suggestion though: You can have a Hummer, you're just responsible for going to the Middle East yourself and getting your own oil.

And now to segue to my new favorite band, The Thermals. They were semi-recently offered $50,000 by Hummer to use one of their songs in a commercial. They turned them down, even though they're a little band that could probably use (or at least enjoy) the cash. They're from Portland, which kind of makes me wonder what Hummer was thinking in the first place. I've never been to Portland, but I've heard some nice things about it. Like how it's very green (both senses of the word) and designed to maximize the use of public transportation and walking. I imagine if you grow up in a place like that, Hummers seem pretty evil. Most of my friends in Spain (where there are narrow streets and lots of walking) view SUVs as unnecessary and just another example of American over-the-topness. I'm getting back into my anti-SUV rant, so let me just say, "Yay!" to the Thermals and "Boo!" and "Duh!?!" to Hummer.

I saw the Thermals the other night thanks to a recommendation and it was great! awesome! stupendous! My friend likened them to early Green Day, which I think is a pretty good comparison sound-wise, though they're a fraction slower and their lyrics are far more intelligent. The singer reminds me of my high school friends and he does these little David Byrne-esque dance-move-things that make it entertaining to watch them. They sounded excellent and had a lot of energy and instead of me telling you about them, you should just go see them whenever they come to your town. Or check out their MySpace for some songs and video clips (I have surmised from this that they have good senses of humor).

Here's a little bit of them on YouTube. I couldn't find anything that demonstrated what a good show they are that had good sound. So this clip is them in their home town, with the crowd appropriately rocking and here's a link to a clip where you can hear them a bit better, but they're in a little record store.

*I realized while writing this that I perhaps conspicuously consume my computer. I mean, it's definitely fancier than what I need, but I love it and it's not bad for the environment (not worse than other computers anyway). Plus, I'm hardly ever out in public with it.

Amazing French Beat Boxer

2007-03-14T13:04:00.001-05:00

I've seen this posted around and it's worth a re-post because this guy is amazing. Also he seems very shy, which is endearing. And I have no idea what he's saying, but it's fun to watch and listen to a "husky" guy speaking French.

Worst. Dream. Ever.

2007-03-02T17:05:00.000-05:00

I'll spare you all the details, but it entails me crapping a foot-long earthworm.

I know, it's horrifying.

It's a Good Thing I Don't Have a Job Yet

2007-03-02T17:03:00.000-05:00

Because if I did, I might feel more paranoid about this seemingly normal looking spam I've gotten THREE times now:

"Hi, I hate to be the one
to mention this, but people
continue to talk about your
weight issue and it just
disgusts me. Whether you
know it by now, people are
always chattering about each
other at work but you come up
more than enough. I wasn't the
happiest or best-fit up until
a year ago or so but that did
change. Thanks to my dam
brother-in-law(of all people).
Anyhow, it was for the best.

What I am saying is that you
need to do something different
and maybe you can make the same
difference I did. Try this stuff
I used. I took it on the idea it's
just more junk but it worked great.
I see more positive reviews on it
nowadays and makes me feel even
better. So, I am encouraging a change,
not only in the chatter around here
but in you personally.

-Anonymous for now
Using an anonymous email website to send this btw;)"

I have to say that that's some creative advertising. Hell, I re-posted it!

I Had No Idea So Many of My Friends Were Into Cutting

2007-02-27T18:03:00.001-05:00

There are checklists?
I thought they wore their hair like that too look cool–who knew they were purposely blocking out half the world?!

Another Reason to Learn Lots of Languages

2007-02-19T16:26:00.000-05:00

This is taken from BoingBoing, where it was likely taken from a reputable news source. It's about a foiled hijacking attempt.

"Speaking to the gunman during the hijacking, the pilot realized the man did not speak French. So he used the plane’s public address system to warn the passengers in French of the ploy he was going to try: brake hard upon landing, then speed up abruptly. The idea was to catch the hijacker off balance, and have crew members and men sitting in the front rows of the plane jump on him, the Spanish official said.

The pilot also warned women and children to move to the back of the plane in preparation for the subterfuge, the official said.

It worked. The man was standing in the middle aisle when the pilot carried out his maneuver, and he fell to the floor, dropping one of his two 7mm pistols. Flight attendants then threw boiling water from a coffee machine in his face and at his chest, and some 10 people jumped on the man and beat him, the Spanish official said."

When I was writing that title, I was thinking about the hijacker and his fatal flaw, his lack of francophonic ability (yeah, I made that word up), but looking at it again, the same applies to the passengers.

Anyway, this little blurb caught my eye and my brain, leading me to think about post-911 airline passenger courage. It's kind of cool: people banding together to take down the bad guy, but, I don't know... Were hijackings never fatal pre-911? Or just not fatal on a large scale? Are there pre-911 stories about passengers outwitting and outgutsing hijackers? I suppose that there was always a chance that you would "just" be a hostage in the past; now people assume the whole plane's dying. It must be interesting and terrifying, experiencing that moment where you have to contemplate whether or not you are going to risk your life to attack the guy swinging around large guns. To be a little hokey, it makes me feel a little proud (or something) that everyday people face that decision and take the risk. Maybe it's just the terror talking, but I like to think that it's altruism.

You Know You're Back in Georgia When You Hear Stories Like This

2007-02-17T15:31:00.000-05:00

Last night I was hanging out with my new friend K. She told me that her mom, who lives in Woodstock, GA (I don't know where that is, I'm told it's north of here), recently experienced the following while at a Chinese restaurant in a food court.

Mom K was getting her General Tso's when the woman serving her wished her a happy New Year, telling her it was the year of the pig. The man behind her in line (who was shortly to reveal his true redneck status) got all worked up and said, "We don't celebrate that shit here. This year is the year of the eagle and the flag. Go back to China." His wife laughed a little nervously, "oh, Ted!", K's mom berated him for being an idiot, and then he went right on and ordered his food, totally unaware of the irony.

I guess it is the year of the pig. Unfortunately, it's not this kind:

It's this kind:

This is the kind of person all my friends in Spain think that this entire country is composed of.

I Have a Lot of Catching Up to Do

2007-02-17T14:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've been home for a little over two weeks now and I've only written one blog post. I've felt very disorganized lately–being homeless will do that to you.

The three main themes of what I've been doing are: 1) social 2) car and 3) job.

Social: Catching up with old friends and my once again BF. It's been quite nice. I have such good people in my circle!

Car: One morning I was walking my favorite dog and I noticed all these birds in the trees. At first I noticed them because they were kind of weird looking. Unlike a regular ol' swallow, these birds had fancy haircuts. Then I noticed that there were HUNDREDS of them. This I noticed when the dog's presence scared them and the flew out of the tiny tree they were sitting in. Fast forward about 20 minutes, when I am leaving, weighted down by my backpack, purse, and a basketful of freshly laundered clothing. I am walking towards my car when I notice what looks like a bunch of blueberries all over the ground by my car. Then I notice all those birds in the tree above and realize that the "blueberries" are actually dark birdshit (I guess they were eating some kind of berries or something). I'm trying to get my keys out of my pocket while juggling all my stuff when I realize that the birds above me are actively shitting all around me! I could hear the little drops of crap falling dangerously near. I panicked as I realized I was in the middle of a poop gauntlet carrying newly cleaned clothes. Of course the panicking made it worse. I finally put the basket down and made a human shield over it as I tried to get my keys. I managed to get the basket safely in the car and was shutting the rear door when the inevitable happened–I was hit. On the arm. It was a good thing that the bird feces happened to be dark blue because my coat is black and you can hardly tell.

At some point during this episode I noticed that the birds had been at it for a while and my car was COVERED in bird shit. I had to go directly to a gas station because I could barely see out of my windshield. I got a lot of looks at the gas station. Why not? I was driving around in a poopmobile. It was totally embarrassing, but I drove around like that for a day because the line at the car wash was too long. When I finally did go to the car wash, the attendant took one look and said, "Birds really don't like you." They had to give it a chemical bath prior to the wash, but it came out good as new (or used). I took a picture before I went through the car wash. It doesn't totally do it justice because the windows had already been cleaned and because it's only part of the car (I felt weird taking a picture of my crap-infested car at the car wash).

Oh, also on Monday I got rear-ended. I'm fine, she's fine, and she's paying for it, so it's all good. I will have to empty everything out of my car when it gets fixed, but things could have been a lot worse considering she was in an SUV (of course!).

And finally: In my first 14 days back here in Atlanta, I saw an astonishing FOUR people purposely run red lights. As in they were stopped and then started again before it turned green. I'd NEVER seen this before, so four times in the past two weeks is kind of freaking me out.

Job: I still don't have one but I'm starting that whole process. It's exciting and daunting and it's what I spend a fair amount of time on, so I don't really feel like talking about it here. But, if you know of any project manager or producer jobs in Atlanta, feel free to let me know. Or if you know me and can think of something else I might enjoy doing... thanks.

Here's a shot I took from the plane as I was leaving Spain.

Thanks for being so patient! I'm going to make a concerted effort to write on here on a more regular basis.
♥☠
p.s. rereading this, I wonder if something's wrong with me that I put a picture of a bunch of Macs under the "social" category.

I'm Still Here!

2007-02-07T20:49:00.000-05:00

By "here" I mean in the blogosphere, not in Spain. Because I'm in Atlanta now. Sorry I've been crappy about keeping this up for the past week... I am getting back into the swing of things, working on finding a job, hanging out with my friends, and I'm staying somewhere that doesn't have internet. Oh yeah, I also haven't really thought of much to write about.

Here's something moderately interesting (kind of, maybe not really): I was driving today and looked over at the car next to me and the lady in there was smoking. That's not really the weird part–the weirdness is that I thought it was weird. Which makes that the first time in over five months that I've seen someone smoking and thought it was strange. If you've been to Spain, you know that A LOT of people there smoke. It's not as bad as it was in the past, but it's definitely noticeable. Another thing about smoking in Spain is that it crosses gender, race, and class lines that it doesn't cross here so much. The result is that pretty much no one in Spain looks weird smoking (ok, probably if I saw a baby lighting up, that would be weird), but an older woman puffing away in her car in the U.S. made me do a double take.

Yesterday was the coldest day of the year and today I sat outside in a short-sleeved sweater. And if you know me, you know I can't stand even one little smidgin of coldness, so trust me when I say it was unusually warm today.

Last Post from Spain!

2007-01-31T15:40:00.000-05:00

It’s been a fairly introspective day, but I’m writing this after eating a big steak and drinking red wine (room service). I’m currently sitting in my hotel room bed and knowing that I’m way too lazy and relaxed to do a proper blog entry. So, a quick summary:
• Got all teary saying goodbye to my roommates. They’re all really good people and I’m lucky to have gotten to know them. I will miss them A LOT. It's weird saying goodbye to people that you've come to love in a way while wondering whether or not you'll ever see them again.
• Thought about how one’s life can totally change in one day.
• Listened to some music on the bus to Barcelona that made me think a lot about the fact that I’m starting completely over, from a blank slate. Had my first very brief moment of terror. Started listening to Lady Sovereign to get out of that mood (was getting teary eyed again on the bus).
• Bus was full of Danish high school students. They are SO blonde! All of them!
• Got to hotel, room was tiny, no bathtub, poor internet connection. Complained, got new, MUCH huger room with tub and better internet connection.
• Took first bath in five months (I’ve been showering). Realized that I kind of like baths better in theory than in practice.
• Had a steak for room service and about to go to bed. It’s only 9:40, but I have to get up at 4 a.m., travel all day, and then party with my friends.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. Holy shit!

I Can't Stop Cruising Websites

2007-01-29T17:21:00.000-05:00

For dogs to adopt, that is.

Here is today's obsessision:

Isn't he the cutest little snugglebutt you've ever seen?

Unfortunately, I'm homeless and by the time I have a job and then a home, I'm sure he'll be taken. I can only hope that an equally adorable specimen will appear by that point.

In other news, talked to my best friend today and I am contemplating taking a little trip to Miami to see her before I get a job. On the one hand I feel like it's a bit irresponsible to go on vacation while you're supposed to be looking for a job. On the other hand, I GoogleEarthed her address and she has a pool, is really close to the beach, it's in the mid- to high 70s there, who knows when I'll next have time for a vacation, and she might move away for grad school. Oh, and once I have a job, home, and dog, well, I'll need a dog sitter!

Who Are You??

2007-01-29T01:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, I just found out that people (or person) from my soon-to-be/kind-of-already ex-department read this blog, which is kind of weird (but I don't mind). I guess I didn't think that that blog post about me dropping out of school would actually be any sort of announcement. Anyway, I also have various tracking devices on this blog (don't worry, it doesn't tell me which individuals look at it, but it does give me your IP address [which is kind of useless because you can't track IP addresses with much specificity]) and I see that people in Java and Australia and Quito read my blog (Quito, you read it regularly!)! Some blogs I read on a regular basis mentioned that a few weeks ago was National Delurking Week. I have no idea if this is something they just made up and they're blog friends, so they all said it or what, but this is MY Delurking Week. Add a comment, fess up to who you are, I promise I won't change the content of this blog. Unless maybe you're my parents. But give me an idea of my audience please. And if you have a website, make sure to include that. Thanks!

p.s. I just woke up, so I'm not holding myself responsible for how well (or poorly) this post is written.
p.p.s. For those of you who look at this blog by clicking the link on my myspace: I'm setting the myspace to private as soon as I start looking for a job, so if you like this blog and you're not one of my myspace friends, copy down the link for future reference.

The Funniest Two Sentences I've Read on the Internet in Months

2007-01-28T14:36:00.000-05:00

Taken totally out of context:

"Men can get a general idea of a girl's endowments before unveiling them, but penises are the Kinder Egg element of the human body. As you'll remember, cracking open one of those yellow capsules could yield something fun and useful, or shitty and pathetic."

(written by a man, by the way)

Source

Addition: It's been brought to my attention that not everyone knows what a Kinder Egg is, thereby stripping this post of all its humor. So, for those of you who've never seen one:

Another update: Got the picture up and found this blog entry on Kinder Eggs (includes pix). By the way, I'm pretty sure the "Kinder" is "children" in German and has nothing do with the egg being nicer than others.

Haunted Apartment?

2007-01-26T19:45:00.000-05:00

I almost forgot to tell you all that I possibly stayed in a haunted apartment in Barcelona. Or maybe just a haunted room. Anyway, the first night I noticed that the overhead light would flicker on occasionally. Just a sort of soft glow. I attributed it to the crazy weather outside (strange magnetic fields?? I have no idea). Anyway, thinking this way made me feel better about the maybe ghost in my room. The next night, there was no crazy weather and the light still glowed occasionally. Surprisingly, I was fine with it. Usually the thought of ghosts scares the bejeezus out of me, but I was ok.

When I was in ninth grade, my parents were out of town for the weekend and my brother was living in Germany. I was home alone and went over to my best friend's to watch the ghost scene in Three Men and a Baby. I returned home after having seen the ghost. At some point I realized that there was no way I was going to be getting any sleep in my big empty house, so I rode my bike over to my friend's. She probably thought I was overreacting a little, but let me sleep on her floor. That wasn't good enough because I still kept imagining/dreaming that that little ghost boy was going to get me. So I got into her bed with her, but even that wasn't good enough. I had nightmares until she let me sleep between her and the wall. Finally I was safe now that I had my Lindsay protective shield. (Thanks, Lindsay!)

So, I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to mind over matter myself into staying in that room all that time.

Identity Theft?

2007-01-26T09:52:00.000-05:00

I am in the process of getting my USA life back to order. That involves setting up my cell phone so that I will be able to call everyone the second I get into the country. Having ordered the new plan, I called today to see if I could get my old phone number back. It's not a particularly neat number, and it doesn't spell out anything cool, but I think people still have it programmed into their phones, so it's just easier. But maybe not.

I was on the phone with someone who was a legitimate operator and she put me on hold to check on something. All of the sudden I hear someone say, "Hello?" and I tell her I was just on hold waiting for the other operator. This new woman, by the way, sounded kind of drunk (or if you've seen those clips of Paula Abdul's intoxicated interview, like that). She told me that she didn't know why I was calling, that the call just got put through to her, so I needed to explain the whole story to her again. I did, the whole time thinking about how weird and unprofessional she sounded. Then she asked for my social security number. I gave it to her, even though I felt a little uneasy. She then wanted my name. I gave her the first name and she said ok and then asked for the last name. At this point the whole thing just seemed weird, so I told that I felt uncomfortable giving her that information because of the way the call had been put through to her and the fact that she herself sounded so weird. She said she was just asking that information for verification purposes and I told her I would just hang up and call back. She tried to keep me on the phone, saying that she could explain the whole process to me, but I said, "No thanks," and hung up.

Now I am all paranoid that there's going to be another me out there, but this new me will be one with really bad credit and that she'll mess up my perfect credit. argh! The one thing I keep telling myself to make myself feel better is that she did ask me how I was doing today in exactly the same way that the legitimate operator did. Let's just hope that she was drunk at work.

Going Away Again

2007-01-22T16:12:00.000-05:00

I'm off tomorrow morning for my last stint as a Barcelona tour guide. Back Friday!

Coupling is Freaking Hilarious

2007-01-22T11:03:00.001-05:00

In my spare time, I've been watching Coupling, another BBC masterpiece. I have no idea if it's stil on the air. If it's not, you should rent it. This clip is pretty good, but only showcases one character and really all of them are hilarious. Don't just take my word for it.

It's Been a Long Time Coming

2007-01-22T09:58:00.000-05:00

I am dropping out of school. The less "quitter-ish" way of saying this is to say I'm withdrawing, but really, yes, I am quitting. Just in the way that you would quit a job that you knew you didn't like and had no future in. Just in the way that you would quit a job that you knew you were not excelling in because you didn't really care about it.

It's a big decision and one that various advisors at school have urged me to "think about a little more." I've been considering it for four and a half years, so I really think that's enough. Plus, ever since having made the decision, I've known in my heart and my brain that it's the right one (these two organs rarely align, so I have to pay attention to that!).

So here's what happened. For those of you who don't know, I am in graduate school for anthropology. I pretty much went to graduate school because I thought anthropology was interesting and isn't that what you're supposed to do if you have an undergrad degree in it? I immediately realized that I was nowhere near as passionate about it as my fellow students. In fact, despite liking them as people quite a bit, I purposely distanced myself from them because I couldn't handle talking about anthropology as much as they did. [Note to self: Don't try to get a PhD in something you don't like talking about.] I tried to drop out my first year, but let myself be talked into staying because I didn't really know why I wanted to drop out (I knew I was not enjoying myself, but due to other things going on my life at that time, I wasn't able to tease apart the reasons for not being happy with school). Also, I hadn't been in grad school that long, so I didn't really know if I was making an informed decision, and I'm one of those people that prefers that sort of thing, especially when it's life-altering.

I kept going to school and stopped hating life so much once I made all my rad friends and was dating. I didn't realize at the time that my successful social life was pretty much masking/dulling my dislike of school. I was consciously aware that I didn't enjoy school, that I never read journal articles unless assigned them, that I was never driven to go above and beyond, but I thought, "Well, ok, I don't really like class and I obviously don't like writing grant proposals, but fieldwork's my bread and butter–that's why I like anthropology, that's why it's worth it for me to hang in there."

But now I'm in the field and I, in fact, don't like it. I do like talking to and observing people, trying to get their point of view of things. I don't like the hours and hours of transcribing or the structured system of analysis that you have to do. And so, the last thing I was banking on has turned out to be a dud.

I've waited a while in writing this post because this blog is linked to my myspace and some of my myspace friends are school buddies. School is like work and gossip travels fast, so I wanted to make sure all the higher ups knew first. Now they know, now I can talk about it. I also was worried about their being offended because I was rejecting something that they feel strongly about. But this is not a rejection of anthropology, it's the realization that it's not the right fit for me. I like anthropology, but I don't want to be an anthropologist. I have no idea if that makes sense. Perhaps my interest and belief in anthropology is just too superficial? I'm not sure. I just know that I want to be happy in both the personal/social and work/career parts of my life. Some people I've talked to disagree with this or don't think it's necessary, but I do think it's necessary and I do think it's possible. Maybe I'm being a naive optimist, but I at least have to try.

I obviously have to find a job now (btw, I'm moving back to Atlanta). I have no idea what I want to be, which could be terrifying, but I'm actually finding it exciting and an adventure. I've been working on a book that helps you identify your skills and interests and at this point I've got it narrowed down to this: I want to be the organized person who gets stuff done in a company/group of artistic people. I don't actually have any idea of what sort of job this might be because I need an Atlanta yellow pages to fully complete the exercises (long story). But so far, with that little to go on, it feels right. I feel like I'm headed in the right direction, something that I have not felt in the work/career side of my life for a very long time.

I was worried about what people would say when I told them this news because worrying about disappointing people is something I do. Pretty much everyone, however, has been marvelous, offering support, reminding me how they remembered my lack of passion from the beginning, and offering me places to crash while I'm job hunting. As I have mentioned several times in this blog, my friends are fantastic. To that group of wonderful people I add my committee–my advisors who have invested a lot of time in me and are yet supportive of my decision to leave. Lastly, my parents and brother, who pretty much encourage me in anything I do and make sure that I know that they've got my back, always and unconditionally, and have thereby given me the confidence to completely change my life. I am so grateful and lucky to be surrounded by such people.

For Old Times' Sake

2007-01-20T09:28:00.000-05:00

It's been quite a while since I've been physically capable of consuming large amounts of alcohol, but back when I could, this bar sign language from the Modern Drunkard was very entertaining. It still is entertaining, I just don't put it to use anymore. Who am I kidding?–none of us were ever really able to put it to use because this sign language is hard to remember when you're drunk. Give it a shot (ha ha).

I am 30 Today

2007-01-18T03:08:00.000-05:00

I don't feel much different. A little tired since my parents woke me up with a 5 a.m. birthday phone call, but otherwise the same. Not that I was expecting any big changes–the 30=old thing is definitely a myth!
I think people get bummed out about their lives on big bdays because they reflect on their lives and are disappointed with their currents places. I don't use more or less arbitrary markers/days to do that (I do that all the time!) and besides, I'm pretty thrilled with life at the moment. Thirty will definitely be an interesting year and I'm totally up to the challenge! (More on that in about two weeks.)

Got back from another Barcelona trip yesterday. Just kind of chilled. We went to the zoo (pix below), walked around, shopped, and saw the naked old man with the tattooed butt and the pierced penis (again). Had an apartment near (in?) the Born area, so got to check that out–very cool, would stay there again (arty, fewer tourists).

Have a friend visiting and she's still sleeping, so I'm going to wrap up because I'm worried my typing might wake her.

Here are some zoo pictures.

This one's out of focus, but I like it because the male tortoise is clearly putting a lot of effort into his mating.

These chimps would clap and raise their hands so people would throw them food (prohibited). It was amazinng to see that they'd picked this skill up, but it was also totally depressing.

This is some cute deer/antelope thing.

And here's some really ridiculous hair we saw.

These aren't from the zoo, just a funny butcher's display.

Nature Still Cool.

2007-01-12T21:39:00.001-05:00

I might alternate between neat nature clips and bad date stories.
This may or may not work. If it doesn't, check it out here.

Bad Dates (#2)

2007-01-12T15:32:00.000-05:00

It was my first date with "Michael." We'd hung out before, but this was the first official dinner together, just the two of us thing. Michael is (was?) fond of the drugs, but one of those people that you couldn't always tell if he was on something because he was slightly weird anyway. So we are at a sushi place, and I am chatting away. It's possible that my story was getting long-winded, but I'm pretty sure he was super wasted. Why? Because when I noticed that he was staring at me instead of listening to what I was saying, I asked, "Michael, what's up?" and he responded, "I just was totally focusing on the shape of your skull."

I actually did go out with him for a little while after that. I guess I'm not (or wasn't) dissuaded by that type of thing. I probably should be.

I'm going out of town for a few days. A good friend is coming in to celebrate my rapidly approaching 30th bday. Perhaps I will have some debaucherous pictures to post when I get back.

Well done!

2007-01-11T16:10:00.000-05:00

Acid-head extraordinaire, Albert Hofmann, turns 101 today (and he's still lucid!*).

*At least he was when he gave a 20-minute speech with no notes sometime in the past year

**Please excuse all the comments on here today that are pretty much directly taken from Boing Boing. It's an interesting day over there, what can I say?

Bad Dates (#1)

2007-01-10T18:02:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I've been on date. That's usually how things go... I don't date anyone and then I decide I better get back in the game and I do. (Again, I repeat to any of you nosey folks who know me, I haven't been on a date in a long time, over two years.) Anyway, in the past, when I did decide to date, it was usually a no-holds-barred kind of thing, meaning that I would date pretty much anyone who asked me out. None of the dates during these periods had any sort of happy ending, but pretty much all of them make for great stories. Which I will now share with you (not all at once though).

Many moons ago, when I lived in Boston (most of the stories you'll hear occurred in Boston), I decided to finally give in to a co-worker that had asked me out several times. Sometimes persistance pays off I guess. Because I was only 22 and was capable of such things at the time, I had spent the previous night drinking excessively with some other co-workers. Maybe I actually wasn't so capable, at least not that day, because I woke up terribly hungover and I remember that I was still vomiting about an hour before the date. I was going to cancel, but I realized this would result in further pestering, so I pulled it together, made myself up, and met up with "Seamus." When he first saw me, he was pleasantly shocked by my appearance (I tended to look like shit at work and I waited tables, so he'd never seen me out of my uniform). He said, "Wow! You look like a movie star!" Despite still feeling wrecked, I thought, "Hmm... this date is beginning surprisingly well."

Of course, it went totally downhill from there. We went to see Fight Club at a theater where his friend worked, so we got in free. I like Fight Club, it's a good movie. It's kind of annoying to watch with someone who's already seen it six times and says everyone's lines while they're saying them though. After the movie I announced that I had to eat something since I hadn't been able to keep anything down all day and was now starving. There was a pizza place nearby, so I got a slice while "Seamus" was outside the whole time (I think he was on his phone or smoking or something). Anyway, it was weird and I felt rushed. I scarfed down my slice and then we went back to his place; he drank, I watched. We talked and that's when he started trying to convince me of his immortality.

Immortality.

I was worn out and didn't have much fight in me, but I gave it a go: "Uh, you're not immortal."
S: Yes I am
Me: No, you're not
S: Yes, I am, I'm thousands of years old.
Me: No, you're not
S: How do you know?
Me: Because it's impossible!

It went on like this for far too long. Eventually I excused myself and went home.

He didn't ask me out anymore after that. Mission accomplished, I guess.

By the way, if people reading this are reminded of strange dates they've had, please share in the comments section.

YES, PLEASE!

2007-01-09T14:48:00.000-05:00

Apple does it again. God, I wish I had some stock! To paraphrase some guy's comments I was reading online (don't know where), "I think I need some new pants now."

*Addendum: I won't be getting this phone any time soon because: a) it's not out til June (June!) anyway, b) it's only available with Cingular, which has horrible plans, and c) I could never justify (especially when unemployed) spending $500 on a phone (the iPod and video player features are irrelevant to me).

"Authentic Happiness"

2007-01-09T06:46:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I read an NYT article recently about positive psychology. It referred me to authentichappiness.org, the website of Martin Seligman, head of the American Psychological Association. I've read some of Seligman's stuff. I did a directed reading on Adolescence and found that most articles (particularly in psychology) focused on depression and other negative things. My professor directed me to the small subset of psychologists that choose to focus on the good stuff (and they catch some flack for it). To be honest, the positive stuff is more boring to read than the negative stuff, but I do in general believe in positive psychology and that thinking good thoughts and enjoying what you do has a profound effect not only on your psychological health, but also on your physical health.

So onto the Authentic Happiness website... It's basically a bunch of quizzes (or that's the part I skipped to anyway). I did the 240-question VIA Signature Strengths quiz and these were my results:

Your Top Strength

Capacity to love and be loved
You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.

Your Second Strength

Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.

Your Third Strength

Bravery and valor
You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.

Your Fourth Strength

Humor and playfulness
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

Your Fifth Strength

Industry, diligence, and perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

I found these results extremely interesting, mostly because in about 20 minutes, they told me things that it's taken me years to figure out. I don't know that it's spot-on, but the fact that #1 is about love kind of threw me. Recently someone asked me what I wanted from life and I said, "to be happy, to be with someone that I love and loves me." And that was it. Nothing about any other aspect of my life. That was the only thing I was totally sure about.

I would never think of myself as a particularly loving person, but perhaps that's the me that's always been there, hidden under my #5 strength, industry and perseverance (also interesting is that this made the list, but as #5). So maybe on the outside I'm #5 and on the inside I'm #1.

I'm trying to figure out what my point is here with this post. I guess mainly that I was really (pleasantly) surprised to get these results and that this appears to be one of the more "accurate" online tests I've taken lately (and I've taken a lot). This one seems to get at your gut, whereas the others are more superficial.* So take some of these quizzes: they're free, eye-opening, and the site saves your results.

*Test results vary a lot depending on your mindset when you're taking them. My previous mindset may have skewed results of other online personality quizzes I've taken lately.

Nature is totally nuts!

2007-01-08T17:53:00.001-05:00

And totally cool.

Sometimes I Feel Like This

2007-01-07T03:53:00.000-05:00

But most of the time I feel pretty good (well). I just read an interesting article on Positive Psychology in the New York Times and linked to another website, authentichappiness.org. Interesting stuff that I want to write about later. Well, I want to write about it now, but I have other stuff I need to do. More later!

Some Pictures from the Market

2007-01-06T03:29:00.000-05:00

It took me a minute to figure out what the below picture was. Then I realized that it's the head of a goat or sheep or something, sawed in half. You can see the cerebellum. And the tongue. Crazy!

Clearly I've Been Reading Too Many Gossip Blogs

2007-01-06T03:07:00.000-05:00

I just woke up from a celebrity-filled dream. First, I was hanging out with Kate Moss and some other "civilians." We decided to go somewhere and for some reason, Kate drove. I don't remember the outside of the car, but the inside was similar to an ex's shitty Honda. Anyway, Kate thought it would be funny to drive while sitting in the driver's seat facing the back, legs up the back of the seat and touching the ceiling and sort of steering with her back/twisting around a little bit to steer. I remember thinking, "that doesn't look too safe anyway AND she's probably totally wasted."

Then I don't remember what happend, but all the sudden I was on a university campus hanging out with about 2-3 non-famous people and Kirsten Dunst and Jessica Biel. For a while we were in the library studying and then for some reason I decided that I needed to take a shower (I think I was homeless or something). I borrowed Jessica's student ID (you know, because we look so much alike) to get into the girls' locker room. Sorry, no crazy shower scene: next thing I know, we were walking around campus and I was thinking to myself, "Kirsten is really cuter than she appears on Perez's website. She should really not wear those wayfarers." Then we hung out some more and Jessica and I were totally BFF. It was only after I woke up that I realized I could have asked her for some workout tips (she was fully clothed during the whole dream, so I guess it didn't cross my mind then).

So I guess that is officially my most superficial dream ever!

This is why snail mail will never be completely taken over by email

2007-01-04T11:11:00.000-05:00

I just saw this on BoingBoing (yes, this is a screen shot straight from their page). It's pretty amazing. I wonder if this kind of thing is a welcome change in the postal worker's daily routine? I know if I was doing the same thing every day and then suddently someone threw what is essentially a treasure map into the mix, I'd be into it. It's a pretty damn good map though (at least to someone who's totally unfamiliar with the UK)–I'm not sure everyone has those cartography skills. Here's the link to the article.

I was rereading some old posts and noticed that I had promised to relay some stories about family trauma over the holidays. Yes, there was the usual family fracas, making its spectacular appearance on New Year's Eve, but no, I'm not going to tell about it. It's kind of disrespectful I think. Suffice it to say, there was nothing unusual about this fight or about the fact that it occurred, since we are four independent people generally unused to seeing (and cohabitating with) each other. If I've ever told you about any other family fights, this one was the same, just in Barcelona. "Resolved" half an hour after it started. Other than that, the vacation was great and filled with lots of delicious food!

Happy New Year Text Message

2007-01-03T15:24:00.000-05:00

I got a really nice text message at about 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve/Day. I have no idea who it's from (yes, I could text the person back at the number given on the phone, but I kind of like not knowing).

Here is it in Spanish:
Que la lluvia de la felicidad te encuentre con el paraguas roto, te moje hasta los huesos y salpique a toda la gente a la que quieres. FELIZ AÑO! T deseo lo mejor!

Translated:
Here's to the rain of happiness finding you with a your umbrella broken, soaking you to the bones, and splashing on all the people you love. HAPPY NEW YEAR! I wish you the best!

I thought it was sweet and poetic (for a text message, anyway). I hope it's not from a random student that has a crush on me.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T06:41:00.000-05:00

Back in Tarragona now. Had a great time in Barcelona with my family. Ate lots of tasty food and had not one, but TWO delicious steaks! (A good steak is hard to find in Spain.) Saw the sights (not a lot that I hadn't seen already), blah blah blah. Good to be back home, mainly because I have internet access here. It's safe to say that my interweb addiction is pretty large. I didn't even know that Saddam was executed! It's like without the internet, I live in a media vacuum. This must have to do also with the fact that I've pretty much completely stopped watching TV here since it's generally not very good.
I did discover though that they show porn (penetrative and everything!) on regular TV stations after midnight. It was kind of nuts. I know Americans are all uptight about that kind of stuff (which I think is exaggerated), but twelve a.m. is not that late and it seems weird that a kid can turn on the TV and see a man slapping a woman's face with his penis. Maybe it's just me?
I was just trying to think of a funny story from Barcelona to tell you all and the first one that came to mind is this: I was sitting on the corner of the street we were staying on, waiting for my mom when my dad said, "Check out this guy walking up." So I look and there is a man, probably in his 70s, walking down the street totally naked. Well, naked except for the fact that his butt is tattooed black and his front was reddish (I don't know if that part was tattooed or not) and his foreskin was pierced. Oh yeah, he was wearing shoes and socks too. It was probably around 10 or 11 a.m. As if that wasn't hysterical enough, there was a group of about 15 giggling girls following him/gawking. It was like he had his own little parade. It's the kind of thing a totally insane man would do, but he seemed pretty relaxed and not-crazy. I didn't have enough time to get a picture...sorry!
More later when I think of something interesting.

It's Way Too Early

2006-12-27T00:13:00.000-05:00

It's 6:13 a.m. I'm about to shut my computer down and may not have internet access for an entire week, so probably no more blog posts. But after that, I can promise at least one interesting post. You see, I'm about to meet my parents and brother for our little New Year's vacation. There's always something to talk about after we all get together....
Happy New Year!

The Jasons are Awesome

2006-12-23T07:08:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't know me, I have two very dear friends, both named Jason. Even those who do know me may not know about the long string of Jasons in my life (all the previous ones marking interesting firsts). These Jasons aren't really first anythings, but they are BY FAR the best Jasons. They have done A LOT to make me feel loved and missed while I'm here and that means SOOOOOOOOOOO much to me (this is a very emphatic post). Just this morning, I received the best care package ever. It showed a lot of thought and they got it just right! Let me share with you the contents:
* Vanity Fair (MY FAVORITE MAGAZINE): 2 issues, one with (hott) George Clooney on the cover and the other with a wet Brad Pitt!!!
* Vogue: on the cover, Cate Blanchett, which some of you might remember as one of my top 7 celebrity crushes
* Alon's chocolate chip pecan cookies (MY FAVORITE!): I have not yet decided if I'm going to share these at the Christmas potluck I'm going to, but at the rate I'm eating them, signs point to No.
* Cholula hot sauce (MY FAVORITE): they only have Tabasco here, which is probably my least favorite
* Crushed red pepper flakes: also non-existent here and essential.
*Pink flannel pajamas with monkeys on them: I am totally not making up the fact that just yesterday, I was thinking I should get some flannel pjs and then decided against them because I thought I couldn't afford them. These are way cuter than the ones I was eyeing.
*Weeds (season 1) and Romy and Michele's High School Reunion: MUCH needed entertainment.

So thank you boys. As my mother would say, "I feel rich." I'm so happy. Opening that package totally made me cry by the way. I love you!

I AM ALMOST 30

2006-12-22T13:20:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of ambivalent about it. If I look back on my life, I've seen a lot and experienced a lot, so that's good. If I look at the current state of my life, it's a little more depressing. In order to not be such a downer though, I'm trying to think of it as a stepping stone.

As far as being officially old, well that I'm pretty fine with. The 20s are filled with a lot of stupidity and though I doubt that's disappearing entirely, it's good to have the majority of it behind me. So I guess all in all, I'm cool with it. See, one of the good things about getting older (for me anyway) is caring less about superficial stuff. And age, for the most part, is superficial. So bring it on. Come on 30, I dare you.

¿Quiénes sois?

2006-12-21T19:15:00.000-05:00

¿Quiénes sois vosotros madrileños que ven esta página?

Have a Shitty Catalan Christmas!

2006-12-20T06:50:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not in a bad mood, it's just that Catalans actually do want you to have a somewhat shit-filled holiday season. Let me explain: 1) Catalonia, where I live at the moment, is the northeast part of Spain. They have a different language here (though it's safe to say that pretty much every Catalan is bilingual in Catalan and Spanish) that is spoken in this area, Andorra, part of France, and one town in Sardinia. 2) Catalans are proud of it. There are a ton of different issues regarding nationalism that I won't get into here. Besides heavily promoting their language, Catalan holiday customs are on frequent display. 3) These holiday customs involve poop, which is a Catalan symbol of fertility.

An American friend here started telling me about one tradition, the caga tio ("shit log"; there's supposed to be an accent on the 'o'). I basically didn't believe her or thought that there was a language misunderstanding or something, so when I got an email from my Catalan teacher telling me of an event discussing Catalan xmas traditions, I knew I had to go.

How the shit log works: Families go out and buy a log with a smiley face on it (traditionally I guess they used to go out into the woods and find one). They bring it home and cover it in a blanket to keep it warm. They "feed" it (I think it's kind of like leaving cookies for Santa), and then on the big day (Christmas Eve), kids are made to go to their rooms for a minute while parents stuff treats under the blanket. The kids come out and sing songs, at the end of which they whack the log with sticks. The songs vary, but they seem to generally involve asking for good treats (turrones [Spanish nougat]), threatening further whackings if good treats are not shat out, and pleas to not be given "bad" treats (sardines, coal). I guess they think they're literally whacking the poo out of it, because when they're done, they lift up the blanket and--surprise!!!--turrones and other sweets! And then after the caga tio gives them presents, they burn him.
P.S. Update: I was fact checking with my Catalan roommate and he told me that the log shits out gifts. To double-check, I asked, "Candies and stuff, right?" He said, "Well, that's what's traditional, but nowadays he might shit out a PlayStation."
Don't believe me? It's been documented on the web: check the 2004 Boing Boing entry and the YouTube instructional video. Here's a picture I took at the Christmas booths of some of these friendly, poopy logs for those of you too lazy to check the links.

Of course having only one crap tradition at Christmastime is not enough, so Catalans also have the Caganer. This is a little shitting figurine that is part of all Nativity displays (and somehow not sacrilegious, I guess). The shitter does his thing in the manger, bringing fertility for the following year. It's considered bad luck not to have a shitter in your Nativity scene. He's traditionally an old man, but if you take a look at this site, specializing in making caganers, you'll see that political figures, the pope, and futbol coaches also make the cut. And the folks at the Servei Linguistic, who hosted the event and dinner I went to last night, gave us each one of these. Modeled on those chattering wind-up teeth, this guy's got a little something extra special: a little Christmas poo, just for you! Crappy Holidays!

p.s. any Catalans reading this who want to correct me, have at it!

The Cutest Dog in the World

2006-12-20T05:04:00.000-05:00

(He's not available for adoption)

What?!??! Seriously???

2006-12-20T02:53:00.001-05:00

You must be joking...

7 Things

2006-12-19T06:22:00.001-05:00

Sasefina posted this on her blog a little while ago and asked others to fill it out, so here goes (I might steal a few of her answers).

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
Date forever/marry someone who loves me and believes in me no matter what, faults and all
Find a career/job that I feel I was born to do
Travel to various exotics locales (i.e. no more European vacations)
Buy a house and fix it up
Go back to all the people who had a big, positive influence on my life and thank them for it
Be that kind of person for someone else
Settle in the same city as at least one of my best girl friends

7 Things I Cannot Do:
Schmooze
Brown-nose
Compartmentalize unpleasant aspects of my life so I don't have to think about them
Lie
Carry a tune
Breakdance
Support any sort of bigoted person

7 Things That Attract Me to the Opposite Sex:
General hotness
Funniness
Brains
That's basically it as far as attracting me. I like all types. Note that there is a difference between attracting me and keeping my attraction.

7 Celebrity Crushes:
Clive Owen
The Rock (I know it's strange)
Cate Blanchett
Rosario Dawson
Johnny Depp
Matt Lauer (I actually just came back to this list to re-edit, removing Adrian Brody for the Today Show host. Matt was with me every morning when I first moved to Atlanta and didn't know anyone and was recently dumped. My crush for him goes on...)
Andre 3000

7 People I Want To Do This:
My mom
Barack Obama
George Bush (maybe these are the standards we should use to decide who to vote for?)
Clive Owen
The Rock
Little Jason (my only friend that would actually fill this out, esp. since he's on vacation)
Those of you who look at this page and want to comment

So even if you're not on Blogger, leave a comment with your sevens.

A Flying Spaghetti Monster Christmas

2006-12-18T16:45:00.000-05:00

I am having an abnormal (for me) Christmas this year. First of all, I will not be with any family. Second of all, I will be with people I have known for less than two months. Third of all, they are Jewish and Muslim, so they don't celebrate Christmas. I am excited for it--I haven't had a traditional Christmas in years anyway, these people are lots of fun, and this means I won't be alone on Christmas, which I believe is one of the more depressing thoughts I've had lately (and I've had many). And they are all fun people, so I'm looking forward to it.

In the spirit of honoring different holidays and of religious tolerance, may I direct you to the Flying Spaghetti Monster site? (Take his suggestion and start with the Open Letter to the Kansas School Board if you don't know anything about it yet.) FSM has many followers (aka Pastafarians); one of them made a holiday FSM, which I share with you at the right. Happy Holidays!

The Great Foreskin Debate

2006-12-15T03:23:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't heard, a large study recently proclaimed that male circumcision cuts the rate of HIV infection in half. A New York Times art icle quoting an aptly named scientist states: "Circumcision is “not a magic bullet, but a potentially important intervention,” said Dr. Kevin M. De Cock, director of H.I.V./AIDS for the World Health Organization."

A few thoughts come to mind, mostly fueled by some conversations I've had with Spanish men who, almost universally, still have their foreskins (the two that I know that don't had a "medical problem" when born. Don't ask what, because that's all I know). When they hear that in the States, very few guys (at least my age) are still wearing a hoodie, they are appalled, primarily on the grounds of lost sensitivity. They have heard horror stories about this lack of sensitivity. I'm no dude, so I can't judge, but if guys without foreskins are lacking in sensitivity, having a foreskin must be the equivalent to walking around in those remote-controlled vibrating panties. I mean, is there a too sensitive? I commented to my roommate that maybe a guy's being really sensitive may be a bit of a disadvantage for the female. He thought about it (it had clearly never occurred to him before) and then said (a bit flippantly), "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Next, if getting circumcised cuts the risk of HIV infection, what the hell happens to a foreskin during sex? All I can picture are a lot of bloody and terrifying sex sessions. I mean, there must be (wince) tearing, right? Here's what the article says: "Uncircumcised men are thought to be more susceptible because the underside of the foreskin is rich in Langerhans cells, sentinel cells of the immune system, which attach easily to the human immunodeficiency virus, which causes AIDS. The foreskin also often suffers small tears during intercourse." So foreskins are full of HIV-attracting cells and they do tear, though I guess maybe unnoticeably? (p.s. the mental picture I'm forming of anthropomorphized "sentinel" cells hanging out under a foreskin are hilarious)

Then I also think about the ethics of circumcision. This what not something that crossed my mind until a Global Health class a few years ago. Everyone is up in arms about female circumcision (granted, there are many different issues involved; I'm not getting into them here), but no one ever talks about whether male circumcision is unethical. You are cutting off a piece of a person's skin, usually without their consent (because they're babies, because they're minors, because it's a cultural tradition and they don't have the power to say something against it, etc.). The argument in the States, I believe, is that it's cleaner to not have a foreskin and that no one else has a foreskin, so the boy would feel weird having one (I remember an ex-boyfriend telling me about one uncut boy in his gym class that they called "Conehead"). But what about the "unnecessary" surgery (prior to this latest article, I think the cleanliness arguments were basically negligible) and the lack of sensitivity?

And here comes this article. This seems to be a pretty clear cut (pun not originally intended, but pretty funny) argument for male circumcision. HIV is a very serious disease, even though it's lost a bit of status as such among post-Ryan White youth in the West. Even with medication, it's a death sentence. Cutting foreskins off would decrease men's risk of HIV infection, which, down the line would cut down on women's infection rates as well. A simple, yet painful (they're advocating it for adults) surgery. Not any sort of solution, but something. Here are the drawbacks: "It only lessens the chances that a man will catch the virus; it is expensive compared to condoms, abstinence or other methods; and the surgery has serious risks if performed by folk healers using dirty blades, as often happens in rural Africa."
I see a lot of backlash resulting from public health practitioners going into African countries and cutting off part of men's penises. I imagine that there are some cultural beliefs against male circumcision in at least a few of the countries most affected by HIV. Maybe if they aren't using condoms, they won't really be into circumcision. Maybe if they get circumcised, they'll think they won't need condoms anymore. I don't really have an answer and I'm not going to post an opinion. I just think it's an interesting issue in light of the medical/public health, medical anthropological, ethical, and social ramifications.

And I would be lying if I didn't admit to thinking about one superficial, positive effect of the universalization of male circumcision: no one would freak out at the thought of encountering a penis unlike one they'd ever seen before.

Blog ADHD

2006-12-14T17:06:00.001-05:00

Argghhhh! I can't decide on a color scheme! Any suggestions?

A Barcelona Story

2006-12-13T15:30:00.000-05:00

Like I said, we mainly did a lot of drinking and walking. Our first night, I believe we went to five different places, the next night, only two (we found a good one) and the following night, well, two again. This is the night that makes for a particularly good stories (there are other little mini stories, like the drunk old man vomiting on the bar). So this night, the last night, Ryan and I went along with our hostel owner and fellow hostel guests to a bar where they do jam sessions. It is the hostel owner (Al)'s favorite bar and he wanted Ryan to play bass (it's like an open mic jam session). This is the first night Ryan and I hung out with any hostel people. The hostel people were all really nice, but we were sort of on our own wavelength. We shared a room with another American, a guy I'll call Bob. Bob was a nice kid, but didn't seem to go out much. He spent a lot of time on his laptop (though to be fair, his job is on his laptop, so he may have been working). He was out with us that night though, and by the time we got to the second bar, Ryan said to me, "I think Bob's kind of toasted." A bit toasty myself, I didn't really take notice and proceeded to spend the night dancing (badly, I'm sure) to really horrible music (unavoidable in Spain). When we finally went to leave, we noticed that Bob had already left, so the rest of us made our way to our abode in Plaza Catalunya.

Not quite ready to go to bed yet, Ryan, Al, and I hung out in the lobby for a while. At some point I went into my/our room to do something and I saw Bob passed out on his bed. It was a funny picture because he was shirtless (as usual), but had his laptop resting on his chest. He had clearly passed out while on the computer. Since I thought it was a funny picture, I went out to get Ryan and show him. He said that he'd already seen him and he was going to tell me about Bob passed out with his computer on his chest and his hands in his pants, but he forgot. I told him he didn't have his hands in his pants now and asked, "Was he watching porn or something?" Ryan said no, he was watching a TV show and I dismissed it. A little later, we went to go to bed and I asked Ryan to take Bob's laptop off his chest so it wouldn't get damaged if he moved in his sleep. Ryan did and that's when he discovered the porn. I believe it was called Naughty America. And so there it was: Bob had left the club to go fondle himself to porn in a shared hostel room and he passed out in the act.

Barely able to control our maniacal giggling, Ryan and I ran out of the room and went and told Al. Al, thinking this was hilarious, immediately grabbed his camera and went back in the room to take video, which basically consisted of Ryan taking the computer off of Bob's chest, showing us the porn, and various pans back and forth from still-sleeping Bob and the porno. What was particularly interesting about the whole thing was the nature of the porn. It was so straight-laced and normal. Heterosexual, one-on-one, fairly normal looking people. It pretty much exemplified Bob himself. I thought it was weird because you'd think that someone so normal seeming must have at least some weird fetish or something, but no, Bob just wanted to come home and watch some blonde, non-implanted girl take her bikini top off. Maybe he had a porn in a semi-public place fetish? I didn't stick around to find out... I made sure to not be around when he woke up. One will never know how much he figured out about the night.

p.s. the picture is of this little Nativity scene that some family that lives by Park Guell had. I will never cease to be amazed by some people's Xmas decorating...

Back from BCN

2006-12-12T04:19:00.000-05:00

I'm back from a super fun long weekend in Barcelona. I'll write in more detail later (once I get caught up with real work), but the trip can basically be summed up as: drinking, walking, looking for things and not finding them (note: four shitty maps do not take the place of one good map). I'll have some more pix and hopefully a video up in a few days.

Off to Barcelona

2006-12-08T05:17:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Barcelona for the next few days. You see, I have my first guest (!), Ryan from Atlanta, and entertaining someone for five days in Tarragona is impossible.

Here is the plate of sardines that almost killed me yesterday (probably an exaggeration, but remember how everyone used to warn you about fish bones?). Anyway, one was lodged in my throat (I think it still is actually). I had to go to the bathroom of the restaurant. I literally stuck my finger down my throat to feel around for the bone. I wouldn't recommend it, but it was kind of a crazy sensation--there's some weird shit down there. It made me vomit a little bit three times and when I got out of the bathroom, and old woman waiting gave me a look. Pretty sure she thought I was in there trying to get rid of some calories...
(the sardines were delicious though)

A Bunch of Random Thoughts

2006-12-06T09:21:00.000-05:00

1. This morning it rained and was cold and was windy. More so than I have ever seen here before. I went out onto the terrace where we do laundry and I felt like I was on a ship at sea, in the middle of a storm. I checked the internet to see the cold, hard truth of this horrible weather. It said it was 55 degrees. Wow. I must really have become wimpy in the 11 years since I left Michigan. I felt kind of lame. But then I looked at the wind speed and it was going strong at 30 miles per hour. I've never been much of a wind speed watcher (in the Michigan and Boston days I was definitely a wind chill watcher though), but 30 mph seems pretty damn fast. So, I don't really have a point here except that it was shockingly cold and windy this morning. And that all my laundry got wet. Again. Which brings me to my next point.

2. I have been trying to do the same load of laundry for a week. Sometimes I exaggerate for the sake of a story, but this time I am not. You see, we don't have a dryer/dryers are pretty rare here. So all the clothes hang dry. Or, in my hang and get rained on. And there's something about that--getting rained on--that makes the clothes smell horrible. It might be that there is a big petrochemical industry around here, I'm not sure. But if your clothes get rained on, you pretty much have to wash them again. And that third wash was this morning. I managed to snag some almost dry stuff off the line last night, which was a good thing because otherwise I'd be freeballing it today (see #3). But even that stuff, which had been hanging in the wind, in the sun, wasn't all the way dry. I spread it all out on my bed and then put my space heater on full blast. Today I put one of my slighty damp shirts on. I guess this is just what the Spanish do in the winter?

3. As any of you who read gossip blogs have noticed, a lot of starlets have been flashing their vaginas lately. I've thought about this and yes, I've looked at the pictures and my conclusion is this: vaginas aren't attractive. I feel like this is a very un-feminist thing for me to say, but then I read this article on Nerve that made me feel better about that thought. And, just for the record, penises aren't really attractive either. I mean, there's a time and a place. It's like that Seinfeld episode with the good naked and the bad naked. Good naked: nude beaches, when you're going to have sex, porn, etc. Bad naked: flashing your snatch as you're getting out of a car. It's just not hot. And Britney is totally not hot either. I don't know. Maybe guys enjoy it. I feel like if I were a guy, I would want to see someone who is hot's lady place. Not someone who just gave birth and has gross hair extensions (I guess maybe guys wouldn't notice the extensions though). Anyway, that's my verdict. I don't want to see more celebrity vaginas. The circumstances in which they're photographed are not hot; drunk, rich, obnoxious girls are not hot.

4. If you've been reading this blog for more than a few days, you will notice a change in it's look. I'm still messing around with colors a bit, but what do you think? I can't make the red text go away. I don't know where it's coming from. Is the pink too hard on the eyes? Suggestions please!

5. A while ago, I almost got a dog. Since then, I have been moderately obsessed with the Atlanta Pet Rescue website. For a while, I would follow all the dogs' stories and their adoptions. Now I just look at them all and read the occasional description. And, I admit, I sometimes choke up over the Happy Tales/Tai ls section. (I quote, "I never knew I could love him so much.") I think I still look at the site because, well, because looking at cute animals makes me happy. I think it makes everyone happy, so I'm going to put cute doggie pictures up now and then. Or maybe every post. Who knows. They're all from Atlanta Pet Rescue, if you see one you want to get. The beagle on this post has already been adopted, but I posted her picture because she reminded me of Snoopy, my childhood (and partially adulthood--he died when he was 18 or 19) dog. He used to make the same face when my brother and I blew into his nose (not directly into it [we found it highly entertaining]). He is also making what my college roommates and I called "fart eyes" (like you just smelled your own fart and liked it; it was generally attributed to cats). So, I dedicate these photos to Snoopy and fart eyes and homeless dogs everywhere.

The Raddest Thing Since Sliced Bread!

2006-12-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

Oh my God! I just saw these on Coolhunting. Teacups where the stain is part of the design!! How cool is that?!?! Here's the link if you want to read about them: http://www.coolhunting.com/archives/2006/12/stain_teacups.php
I want some!!! (It does totally make me think about the stains on my teeth, though).

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

2006-12-03T04:12:00.000-05:00

And now, a little photo homage to all my pals who let me know they miss and love me and who listen to me freak out about things, therefore making my life over here a bit easier. I love you guys!

This is a little last-minute add... Al's been kind of mum lately, but Brooks does a lot to cheer me up.

Chad, taking a shot so that I will not have to suffer the next morning

The Dark Ones: Mara, Joanne, and Me

Little Jason, Laurie, and Mara (Laughing at Something VERY Not PC)

Big Jason (sans ascot)

Shocker: Liz, Me, and Donnie

My Michigan Ladies: Rachel and Mairi

ALWAYS There for Me: Eric and Suzan

I Hate to Name Drop, But... Cameron ("Cam"), Leo, and Colton

Laurie, Mercedes, MikeWright, Suzy, and Clare: Four on One

My Friends are Hot: Donnie, Kasey, and Mara

And They Know How to Have a Good Time: Sarah, Clare, Laura, Emily, Larry

Ahhh, Dunch! I'm 1/4 of the way through my stay here. I'll meet you at the EARL in September!

This is the Beginning of My New, Happy Blog

2006-12-02T06:08:00.000-05:00

I am not promising 100% glee, but at least something that will actually make people want to read this. So, no more complaining about my life, at least if it's not humorous or poetic in some way.

I really enjoy the elevator in my building. There's something about the light and the pattern on the ceiling... It's a very rickety elevator and you're pushing it if you have the recommended number of people (4) in there, but it doesn't really bother me. Sometimes if it's late at night (think between 4-6 a.m.), I take pictures of myself in the elevator. None of them are good, but I think this one showcases my beloved elevator nicely, even if you can't see the ceiling (the white button is for my floor--it's special!)

The Third Time is Not a Charm

2006-12-02T04:52:00.000-05:00

I just found I got rejected for a grant for the third time. I've been rejected for other grants too, so if you count them all up, it's actually six rejections (I think). No, wait, it's actually eight! But the third from the same agency is the one that hurts. Because it's from the one that I think I had the best chance with. Because I'm already here in the field. And because it means that I'm now going to be returning to Atlanta with no funding. (Which means that I will have to get a job, which means that it's going to take even longer for me to finish this &@!($&@ PhD.)

And besides all that, it makes me feel like my research is worthless, at least in the eyes of one of the biggest funding agencies. And making me feel like my research is worthless doesn't really help my morale when, more and more, I'm feeling like I really don't want to be here. Argh!

Serenity now!

I'm sure things will get better. And hopefully, if my evil plan works, I will write an awesome dissertation that will be easily (i.e. effortlessly) translated into a book that will make me extremely wealthy and will afford me the opportunity to give the finger to the granting agencies that all rejected me. That's probably (definitely) pushing it, but if what they say is true about things that don't kill you making you stronger, well, I'm going to get out of here with some superpowers or something.

i'm pretty sure no one is reading these

2006-11-24T10:01:00.000-05:00

so i am mighty tempted to just make this my bitching board. it's like a sounding board, but for complaining.
I am cranky because my college (undergraduate)-aged roommates are making it difficult for me to sleep. Morning and night, their talking and dish clanking (my room is a paper thin wall away from the kitchen) keeps me from getting my much-needed zzzzzs.

And they don't really give a shit that after 8 weeks, we STILL don't have internet.

Here is another good album title that I stole from a varnish display: This is the Beginning of a Good Finish.

I need a band so I can put out these albums. We will only put out one song EPs so that I can produce few songs, while using up all the good album titles i come up with (or read while walking down the street).

My friends are awesome and that's why I miss them

2006-10-31T11:26:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, I will be turning the big 30 pretty soon. And here I am in Spain, without my friends, for the big day. To remedy the situation, my friends have offered to buy me a plane ticket home, so that I could celebrate with all of them. Awesome, no?

The crappy part is, I really can't go. I have the time to, but I just can't. I am mentally unprepared for it and I know that going home this early in my stay here would make me more homesick than ever. The temptation to stay and just hide out in ATL would be great. So I have to turn them down on the offer. The other day I was thinking about a conversation I had and came up with the line, "this conversation is breaking my heart," which I thought sounded like a good album title. (The conversation didn't totally break my heart, but it was sad.) Anyway, my point is that it seems that I have to do a lot of things that "break my heart" while I'm here. I mean, I'm turning down a free international plane ticket and the chance to party with some of my best pals! (though I have to admit that I'm going to see if the offer still stands for later in the year).

Maybe when I get back it will just be pure hedonism to make up for the things (and people) I've had to give up while I am here. Of course, writing a dissertation + pure hedonism don't really seem like they mix.

Maybe the year after that...

i am bad about doing anything that i am supposed to do every day

2006-10-19T13:09:00.000-05:00

that pretty much sums it up
vitamins
exercise
physical therapy
cooking
brushing teeth (sometimes)
showering (sometimes)

in other news, while IMing with a friend, we discussed the possibility of an "international webcast fiesta." by which we mean (of course) him having a party and hooking up a large screen tv to his computer, thereby broadcasting me, sitting here in Spain (and he would have a webcam there, so I could see the party). It would almost be like I was there, with all of you. But not really enough. And I have to say that I fear the moment when people get bored of talking to a computer monitor or tv and turn away from me, leaving me there alone in my Spanish bedroom, unable to make anyone talk to me.

I am currently waiting for the delivery guy to bring us our modem. I've been waiting for three days now. He is 40 minutes later than the latest possible delivery time (7:30 pm) but I was told that the first time he came by, he did so at 8 pm, so I'm holding out. I'm pretty sure my hopes will be dashed, but I am trying to keep the faith. Short on patience, I'm pretty good with faith.

Does anyone read this? I have to admit it's not my best writing. I think it's because of the lack of speaking english very often...

The first post from Spain

2006-10-14T03:13:00.000-05:00

I’m not even going to try to catch up with all the stuff I haven’t written in the past month or two. Suffice it to say that I am now in Spain, have been here for over a month. I have many random thoughts that I could write about. My break from speaking Spanish all the time (which is totally exhausting) is thinking to myself in English. Analyzing Spanish people, Spain, and myself. More on everyone else later, but for now, this is just about me and my realizations about myself. The main realization being that I am totally over moving somewhere new and starting over. I think I’m just too old for it, have grown out of it, etc.

I have moved 13 times in the past 11 years. Not all of these were big moves, some were just to different apartments, one was just downstairs (to a different apartment). But six of these moves were to entirely new cities, cities were I knew at most three people, generally only one. This time around, Tarragona, none. Starting over is hard. It takes a lot of work and I don’t really have it in me any more. I mean, I have to have it in me, but I don’t really feel like it. This doesn’t mean that I’m turning into a hermit here in Spain, but rather, that I’d just rather not deal with the necessary evil of starting life over again.

Is it an age thing? Or do people only have a certain number of starting overs in them and I used mine all up right off the bat? Maybe it’s some kind female hormonal thing and my biology is telling me to nest while my graduate school is telling me to go do fieldwork somewhere far away. Anyway, enough of that. You can really only “not feel like it” for so long until you start going nuts and start striking up conversation with anyone that will listen. And then they’ll become your friend, if only for a little while, and then before you know it, you’re starting over again.

Now for some more lighthearted observations about Spain. Mullets are really big here. REALLY big (not necessarily in size—though that’s sometimes the case—but in popularity). I’m not really sure where the mullet craze stems from. In the past, Spain has borrowed heavily from the US in terms of what’s “cool,” but I don’t remember a mullet phase (not anything on this scale anyway) and the mullets here are definitely not ironic. And while generally confined to people under 40, barring that barrier, it’s basically a mullet free-for-all. Girls, boys, punks, preps, children… The other day I was walking behind a 7-year-old on his way to school, trying to decide it his hairstyle fell more under the category of rat’s tail or mullet. It was like a very wide rat’s tail, or a very thin (starting at the very bottom of his head) mullet. The poor child, I thought. Someone older than him has decided that this is a good haircut for him. Rethinking it however, given the popularity of the mullet, he might just be the coolest kid in his class. His mom lets him have a mullet!

The other observation is that Spanish people refrain from eating food that they know will give them gas. This one is particularly hard for me to wrap my brain around. Most people that I know (Americans) eat gas-producing foods with gusto. They are willing to suffer the aftermath just to enjoy the process of consumption. Hell, I have friends that continued going to the same restaurant even though they got explosive diarrhea after every visit! (you know who you are ☺). But no, most of the Spaniards that I’ve met bypass food they know they like just so they won’t have to deal with gas. And it seems to stem from a concern for those around them. My roommate skipped a meal of delicious chistorra (it’s kind of like fried chorizo sausage) because he had class after lunch and didn’t want his classmates to suffer through his burping. Are we assholes then because we don’t care about affecting other people with our gasses? I mean it seems like we’re more concerned about our own discomfort or embarrassment (not concerned enough to keep us from eating though!). But really I think we just have better practice. From a biological point of view, I’m not really sure how it works in terms of building up the enzymes and flora and fauna to digest things smoothly. What I’m talking about is better control of behavior. We can’t make our farts not smell, but I think most are pretty well-practiced in making them silent. Ditto for burps. So I guess we’ve just found a way to have our cake (and beans, and sausage, and vegetables) and eat them too.

I think I've picked a good blog name.

2006-09-01T15:45:00.000-05:00

I almost had a meltdown yesterday. It was a frustrating day and there were a few hours in there where it looked like the one thing I was looking forward to at the end of the day (fancy dinner) might not happen. I'm so stressed about leaving that this almost left me in a catatonic state. Anyway, dinner worked out and was delicious and I was hanging at my man's loft later on when his neighbor (Tim) came over. Tim asked me how I was doing and I told him about my day and he noted how I seem so relaxed for being so seemingly stressed out. It's gotta be that external harmony...
All for now. Expect some weepy posts in the very near future.

So this is it...

2006-08-31T14:37:00.000-05:00

Wow. That setup was fast and extremely simple.
Hmmm... I haven't even had time to think of what to write.

So this is my first blog post, written on a rainy day less than a week before I move away to Spain. It's been a stressful day/time period. Hence the name of the blog. A brief explanation: my boyfriend has a tattoo that reads "internal conflict." He hates tattoos on girls, so as a joke I was thinking of having the guy who did his tattoo Sharpie "external harmony" on my chest, as an opposite, yet corresponding, tattoo (or maybe on my back would have made it even more opposite). Anyway, when thinking that up, I thought how "external harmony" implies that there's only harmony on the outside and something much worse on the inside. But maybe the opposite of harmony isn't bad after all. Because it could be chaos, or something like that (which isn't always bad, I suppose). I dunno. Anyway, I'm not that crazy inside in general so it may be a little false, but I like how it sounds.
Oh, I should mention that people frequently tell me that I'm one of the most laid-back people they know, yet I feel like that's impossible given how totally anal I am and not-laid-back I sometimes feel. So that's also the external harmony. So there it is--ta da!--my first blog post.