We're All Adults Here

I was recently in a situation where there was a lot of "I'm not sure what he thinks of me," "I think he likes me," "he always returns my calls right away," "hmmm... I haven't heard from him in a little while," and finally, "uhhh, yeah, he's definitely not into me." This situation is annoying. It stresses me out and wastes my time.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with dudes being in a different place than me or just not being into me (ok, I have a small problem with that). What I DO have a problem with, however, is the way that an overwhelming majority of people will just sort of hide and hope the unwanted person goes away, rather than actually communicate their thoughts. Not only does this lead to a lot of overthinking, but I think it increases the potential for awkwardness later on.

I was once dating a guy who flat out told me he didn't want to stop sleeping with other girls. A bit taken aback, I said, "Ok. Well, we're not going to keep sleeping together then." And it was over. And then many weeks later I ran into him out and about and then we kind of became fuck buddies. I was totally fine with it because I knew exactly where he stood. And therefore, where I stood.

My straight male best friend who I will not out here (but feel free to out yourself in the comments if you like) is, I believe, a permanent bachelor. He dates a lot of girls, rarely anything super serious. And he always got into situations where the girls would want more and he would be "trapped." I related the story of my above fuck buddy to him and told him how much I appreciated the honesty and maybe he should give it a shot. This sort of thing isn't easy, so I suggested the blurting technique I use whenever I find myself having to talk about something I don't want to talk about. Basically, it goes like this: just blurt it out. And make it something you can't backtrack from. You have to start big. In this case it would be, "I don't really want to date right now." This friend took my advice then and has been using it for the past few years with great success. Here's a conversation we had the other night:

Him: You know that girl that I had to have the talk with?
Me: No, I can't keep track of them all
Him: (describes her to me for a little while) Well, I had the talk with her and then we fucked the next night.

(Then some chatter back and forth.  Then I don't really remember what we said, so I'll recreate/make up the rest of it.)

Him: Bringing it up and talking about it has really been working for me. It was hard at first, but it's gotten so much easier (he really did say that last part).
Me: YES! Please spread the word to all men. Just tell the truth (or something similar to it) right off the bat! Save us the ruminating!!!

I don't know that he's actually going to do that (DO IT!), so I'll do it here. Lay your cards on the table early on. Please. The worrying and wondering is for the 14-25ish stage. It's bullshit and it wastes precious time and brain energy.  Now that we're a little older, please just stick with being up front about your thoughts and feelings.* We can take it. We're all adults here.

* This does not give you license to be a dick. Keep it civil.

Lex Has Emerged Mostly Unscathed

My ex came to visit me this weekend. Yes, this weekend. Valentine's weekend. It was a coincidence... the timing worked well for him because he's about to move and I had an extra-long weekend free of work. I'm not even sure he realized ahead of time about the Valentine's thing because he is, well, he's very bad with dates and times. Worse than anyone you've ever met. I'll just leave it at that.
To recap our relationship VERY quickly. We dated for 3 years; we broke up when I moved here in September 2007. We talked on and off and I was still in love with him. I went back to my previous city for a wedding and hung out with him for what ended up being The Night I Was Least In Control Of My Emotions. Let's just say I wanted to get back with him, he visibly recoiled when I tried to touch him, I sobbed for about 5 hours, and I threw some shit, slashed a painting I had done, and threw away everything in his apartment that was mine or related to me. The next day, I took some Xanax for the first time ever to make it through, got on a plane and sent him an email from my phone saying I was deleting him from Facebook, IM, etc. and that I couldn't talk to him in any way for a while. He was only allowed to contact me if someone died. Thus began 7 months of self-imposed ex exile.

It helped me a lot and eventually I got to the point where I missed him because he's a good person that I want in my life, not because I was lonely and sad and wanted him back as a BF. So I contacted him again. It was pretty baby steps initially, but eventually I saw him for a night over New Year's. We were both nervous, but it went well and we were great at being Just Friends. So now he's moving and he needs some money and also wanted to hang out and it just so happens that I wanted to hang out, have some money, and wanted a painting for my living room (he's a painter). So he brought out a painting and we ate and drank and talked a lot. Over Valentine's weekend. I'm not going to say there weren't a couple of snags and some tears and some confusion, but we emerged in a good state. And I didn't sleep with him, despite that fact that EVERY ONE OF MY FRIENDS thought this would surely happen. All in all, pretty good stuff. I'm proud of me, I'm proud of him.

Oh Yeah

Also, I'm back! Well, trying to be. We'll see how long I keep it up.

Things I Don't Understand

1. Littering
2. People telling me they're going to do something and then not doing it/general blowing of smoke up my ass
3. Crocs
4. Government jobs
5. Men
6. Phish
There are probably more, but I haven't blogged in almost a year, so I'm still a little rusty. Bear with me.


Ok. Some of these things I understand a little bit.
1. I believe this stems from self-centeredness and a total lack of thought.
2. They're just trying to appease me and have no idea that, ultimately, I'm going to be way more annoyed.
3. For kids, I understand this. You can just hose these off. For adults, c'mon, you're adults. You have no excuse.
4. I work for the government. We waste a lot of money. A shit ton of money. Some of your taxes (a good bit of them?) are going down the drain. I think it's because of unions. I don't know enough about unions to talk shit about them, but I'm pretty sure total deadweights are keeping their jobs because of unions.
5. Ok, this one I don't understand at all. Enlighten me. PLEASE.
6. It must be the drugs. Well, I've tried a few drugs over the years and even those didn't make this horrifying music any better, so really, I don't know what it is.

Recycle Your Small Electronics for Free

Just thought I'd post about this because I think it's awesome.

You get a prepaid envelope from the post office (make sure your city participates) and just send your old small electronics in. They refurbish it or reuse whatever parts they can. Good deal! Read this to learn more...

http://www.webwire.com/ViewPressRel.asp?aId=61331