Misused Apostrophes

Ah, the misused apostrophe, quite possible my biggest pet peeve (I have several, if I'm going to be honest). I don't know if they don't teach grammar any more or this is just something that people have forgotten since they were in grade school (because I think it's mostly adults who err in this way), but people put apostrophes where they shouldn't be or omit them entirely A LOT. I know, because I think I notice it every time. I feel sometimes as if I am plagued by misplaced apostrophes. I swear they're following me.

While it's possible that some of these are typos (I admit I just accidentally misused an apostrophe above [but FIXED it of course]), I see far too many of these for all these wandering apostrophes to exist in unintentional error.

A few months ago, I went to Canada for a wedding and had a four hour layover in Detroit on the way home. With nothing else to do, I planted myself at a bar with a book. I glanced up occasionally because the book wasn't that great and I noticed a sign advertising the following:

"JENNIFERS RECOMMENDED COCKTAIL'S"

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!?!?!?!??!?!!? Never had I seen this before. TWO apostrophe errors in the same phrase!

People seem to make the mistake because of the same incorrect/unknown/apparently irrelevant simple rules. Here's a little grammar lesson:

* Apostrophes show ownership. If the noun that is doing the owning is singular, the word should end in ('s). If that noun is plural, since there's already an s there, it should end in (s'). If the noun is one of those plural words that doesn't happen to end in s (for example, women), it should end in ('s). In other words, if it already ends in s, just add the apostrophe at the end. If not, it's ('s).

* WORDS NEVER NEED AN APOSTROPHE TO MAKE THEM PLURAL. I can't say that enough.

* Apostrophes are used in contractions. I don't have enough time to list all the contractions here, but I've used several in this post (two in this sentence). Contractions are two words put together, the first word spelled out completely, the second word truncated. The apostrophe stands for the missing letters and it should go where those missing letters would be. When I was a TA, I was horrified to learn that many of my students had apparently never learned about contractions. You wouldn't believe how many "would of"s and "should of"s I got in papers. In case you're reading this and are confused, "would've" is a contraction for "would have" and has nothing to do with "of."

* And finally, we come to "it's/its." This one can be tricky and I readily admit to thinking about it every time I write it (and to using the wrong one when in a rush). It is actually simple if you just stop to think about it. It's means "it is." Its is the one that shows ownership.

And there you have them. I think those are all the rules for apostrophes. I may have forgotten something–I'm no English teacher after all. But I was once an English student and, call me crazy, I thought that grammar was one of the few things I learned in school that would be useful for the rest of my life.

*Disclaimer* I'm not saying I never make grammatical errors. Or that I don't purposely misuse grammar for things like blog posts. I'm not an all-around grammar Nazi. It's really only the apostrophes (actually, the apostrophe's) that gets to me.

****UPDATE**** Do you guys read the comments? I'm not sure, but if you don't, manunderstress directed me to a blog that is based on quotation mark misuse. This particular grammatical error doesn't personally bug me as much, but the blog is awesome. Check it out and thanks, manunderstress!
p.s. this has possibly inspired me to start photographing all the stray apostrophes I see and to start accepting your submissions of the same. I'm not saying/promising that this is what this blog is going to turn into, but I am sort of feeling the need to document the extent of this grammatical tragedy. (Ha, I know that's overly dramatic, but it's 5:43 a.m. and I'm up for the day since my roomies/providers of shelter have chosen this ungodly hour to wake up.)