Just thought I'd post about this because I think it's awesome.
You get a prepaid envelope from the post office (make sure your city participates) and just send your old small electronics in. They refurbish it or reuse whatever parts they can. Good deal! Read this to learn more...
http://www.webwire.com/ViewPressRel.asp?aId=61331
Life is getting better. This past weekend was my first normal person weekend. In other words, I hung out with people (instead of alone) and had a super fun time. ALL weekend! A little bit of this, a little bit of that, and a Thai massage. Good stuff!
I have to go to work now, so I can't expound, but I'm hoping/thinking I'm not going to be such a Debbie Downer anymore. Thank god, how tiring and off-putting!
Tomorrow my brother is getting married and I have to say, I'm pretty... well, I was going to say "nonplussed," but I just looked it up and that's not what I mean. Um, what I'm trying to say is that I don't really have any strong feelings about his marriage and I'm wondering why that is. I am, of course, happy for him and her and happy that they make each other happy, but the whole marriage is not stirring up a whole lot of emotion for me. Here are some guesses as to why:
1. I'm emotionally dead inside. That one's just to be funny. Life has been rough lately, but I'm optimistic that it has not killed my outlook or potential for better things.
2. It's a small affair (him, her, me, her best friend--that's it. I will be serving as the witness/photographer).
3. They've been dating and living together for something like 8 or 9 years, so I kind of have "it's about time" feelings.
4. Maybe I don't really care about marriage. I really don't know what I think about marriage. I, myself, would like to be with someone, but I don't know that I've ever had strong feelings about making it official by putting it on paper. It seems like it's more official if you seal it with a baby or something. Also, I'm not a big fan of weddings. My ex seems to love weddings and I would think to myself, "If we ever get married, I'm just going to have to grin and bear it because he's definitely going to want something big." Looks like I won't be dealing with that though. Bullet dodged?
That's all I've come up with so far.
I love my brother dearly, even though he can be a real asshole sometimes. I know he's always got my back and we've always gotten along very well. He's prone to telling me what an awesome sister I am when he's drunk, which I find somewhat endearing. But anyway, it's been interesting to me in the past few weeks how ironic it is that my brother is currently experiencing one of his happiest moments while I am pretty much unhappy about every aspect of my life. That's a bit of an exaggeration. I like my hair, for example. But I'm not happy with 1) my job, 2) my lack of friends in this city, and 3) my lack of boyfriend. Those are pretty damn important things, so they are taking precedent over my good hair. The other day I stopped by my brother's and was walking home when he called me to tell me something he had forgotten to tell me while I was at his house. It went something like this:
"So I got home from my soccer game this morning and I was sitting on the floor with the dog because I didn't want to get the couch dirty and I started thinking about how great my life is. I've got an awesome girlfriend that I'm going to marry soon, I love my dog, we have a great apartment, I love my job. And then I looked down in the carpet and found a little nug of weed!"
My response: "So you found your own weed? Congratulations." It was kind of a bitter response, but I was laughing while I said it. And I appreciated how happy he is because you want your loved ones to be happy. But I couldn't help but thinking, "That's awesome. My life, on the other hand, sucks." I kept it to myself because there's no use bringing other people down.
And then the other day, I was telling him how I was having trouble sleeping. I wake up at 4 in the morning and my mind immediately starts racing. Once the brain starts moving, going back to sleep is impossible. He couldn't understand how I could be having trouble sleeping. I kind of wanted to yell, "Maybe it's because I hate my life right now!" I can't really kill his good mood though. It's good for me to be around and my hating my life only hits me hard every now and then. Most of the time it's an annoying thing that I just deal with, knowing that it will eventually get better. I have faith in that. I've moved enough to know that all of that takes time.
So I will just sit here quietly, basking in my brother's happiness, and doing what I can to make that moment when I start meeting people happen sooner.
Should you think this is somehow about me, you're mistaken. Shame on you, you should know I don't really wear white.
So here I am, exactly one year after I quit school and moved back to Atlanta from Spain. Here I am in Los Angeles writing about it. Thinking about the past year is pretty bittersweet, possibly more bitter than sweet, though I think my current situation is probably coloring that view. Here's why: I left school because I hated it and, as I explained to my advisor, I thought that I should be happy in both the work and personal/social parts of my life. I was happy with the social stuff (assuming everything would just fall back into place once I got back to the States, I guess), but I was very unhappy with school. So I left and that is still one of the best decisions I've ever made. Unfortunately, that good decision I think was followed by a whole slew of bad decisions which have ultimately lead me to where I am now: unhappy with both my personal/social and work lives. I know I need to have patience though. With the amount of change that I've experienced lately, of course everything is in turmoil. But those of you that know me well know that I am one of the least patient people around, so it's hard.
People say to me, "Well at least you're in LA, where you've always wanted to be," and that's kind of depressing because moving back here, though I do love it, made me realize that the place is not really the most important thing. Relationships--with friends, boyfriends, family--that's what really does it for me. And apologies to my family, but I know they'll always be there for me as long as they're alive, so I've already taken them somewhat for granted. So here I am with all of my best friends thousands of miles away and an ex-boyfriend that I wish was a current boyfriend who finds it too difficult to talk to me much (I could go on and on about this--what is it about guys and not being able to talk because it's too painful?? Both of my exes have said this to me and I saw the Savages last weekend and Philip Seymour Hoffman's character did it in that too!). The situation--my life, that is--is less than stellar.
So it looks like another renaissance for me, starting a year after my last renaissance. Slowly but surely, I have to remake my life into something that I love. It's fucking exhausting.
I just read about this site elsewhere and got sucked in (pun unintended). The site is called Letters from Johns and it's an interesting concept. It doesn't say much for johns though: the only guy who is a good writer penned the entry titled: "I Have Come to the Conclusion That Hookers Are Not For Me." Reading this is going to make you want to read the other entries. It's ok though. It's a new site and there aren't that many entries.
Friday is my Geburtstag. I have a bunch of friends flying in for it. I AM EXTREMELY EXCITED.
