We're All Adults Here

I was recently in a situation where there was a lot of "I'm not sure what he thinks of me," "I think he likes me," "he always returns my calls right away," "hmmm... I haven't heard from him in a little while," and finally, "uhhh, yeah, he's definitely not into me." This situation is annoying. It stresses me out and wastes my time.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with dudes being in a different place than me or just not being into me (ok, I have a small problem with that). What I DO have a problem with, however, is the way that an overwhelming majority of people will just sort of hide and hope the unwanted person goes away, rather than actually communicate their thoughts. Not only does this lead to a lot of overthinking, but I think it increases the potential for awkwardness later on.

I was once dating a guy who flat out told me he didn't want to stop sleeping with other girls. A bit taken aback, I said, "Ok. Well, we're not going to keep sleeping together then." And it was over. And then many weeks later I ran into him out and about and then we kind of became fuck buddies. I was totally fine with it because I knew exactly where he stood. And therefore, where I stood.

My straight male best friend who I will not out here (but feel free to out yourself in the comments if you like) is, I believe, a permanent bachelor. He dates a lot of girls, rarely anything super serious. And he always got into situations where the girls would want more and he would be "trapped." I related the story of my above fuck buddy to him and told him how much I appreciated the honesty and maybe he should give it a shot. This sort of thing isn't easy, so I suggested the blurting technique I use whenever I find myself having to talk about something I don't want to talk about. Basically, it goes like this: just blurt it out. And make it something you can't backtrack from. You have to start big. In this case it would be, "I don't really want to date right now." This friend took my advice then and has been using it for the past few years with great success. Here's a conversation we had the other night:

Him: You know that girl that I had to have the talk with?
Me: No, I can't keep track of them all
Him: (describes her to me for a little while) Well, I had the talk with her and then we fucked the next night.

(Then some chatter back and forth.  Then I don't really remember what we said, so I'll recreate/make up the rest of it.)

Him: Bringing it up and talking about it has really been working for me. It was hard at first, but it's gotten so much easier (he really did say that last part).
Me: YES! Please spread the word to all men. Just tell the truth (or something similar to it) right off the bat! Save us the ruminating!!!

I don't know that he's actually going to do that (DO IT!), so I'll do it here. Lay your cards on the table early on. Please. The worrying and wondering is for the 14-25ish stage. It's bullshit and it wastes precious time and brain energy.  Now that we're a little older, please just stick with being up front about your thoughts and feelings.* We can take it. We're all adults here.

* This does not give you license to be a dick. Keep it civil.