Bad Dates (#1)

It's been a long time since I've been on date. That's usually how things go... I don't date anyone and then I decide I better get back in the game and I do. (Again, I repeat to any of you nosey folks who know me, I haven't been on a date in a long time, over two years.) Anyway, in the past, when I did decide to date, it was usually a no-holds-barred kind of thing, meaning that I would date pretty much anyone who asked me out. None of the dates during these periods had any sort of happy ending, but pretty much all of them make for great stories. Which I will now share with you (not all at once though).

Many moons ago, when I lived in Boston (most of the stories you'll hear occurred in Boston), I decided to finally give in to a co-worker that had asked me out several times. Sometimes persistance pays off I guess. Because I was only 22 and was capable of such things at the time, I had spent the previous night drinking excessively with some other co-workers. Maybe I actually wasn't so capable, at least not that day, because I woke up terribly hungover and I remember that I was still vomiting about an hour before the date. I was going to cancel, but I realized this would result in further pestering, so I pulled it together, made myself up, and met up with "Seamus." When he first saw me, he was pleasantly shocked by my appearance (I tended to look like shit at work and I waited tables, so he'd never seen me out of my uniform). He said, "Wow! You look like a movie star!" Despite still feeling wrecked, I thought, "Hmm... this date is beginning surprisingly well."

Of course, it went totally downhill from there. We went to see Fight Club at a theater where his friend worked, so we got in free. I like Fight Club, it's a good movie. It's kind of annoying to watch with someone who's already seen it six times and says everyone's lines while they're saying them though. After the movie I announced that I had to eat something since I hadn't been able to keep anything down all day and was now starving. There was a pizza place nearby, so I got a slice while "Seamus" was outside the whole time (I think he was on his phone or smoking or something). Anyway, it was weird and I felt rushed. I scarfed down my slice and then we went back to his place; he drank, I watched. We talked and that's when he started trying to convince me of his immortality.

Immortality.

I was worn out and didn't have much fight in me, but I gave it a go: "Uh, you're not immortal."
S: Yes I am
Me: No, you're not
S: Yes, I am, I'm thousands of years old.
Me: No, you're not
S: How do you know?
Me: Because it's impossible!

It went on like this for far too long. Eventually I excused myself and went home.

He didn't ask me out anymore after that. Mission accomplished, I guess.

By the way, if people reading this are reminded of strange dates they've had, please share in the comments section.