Have a Shitty Catalan Christmas!

No, I'm not in a bad mood, it's just that Catalans actually do want you to have a somewhat shit-filled holiday season. Let me explain: 1) Catalonia, where I live at the moment, is the northeast part of Spain. They have a different language here (though it's safe to say that pretty much every Catalan is bilingual in Catalan and Spanish) that is spoken in this area, Andorra, part of France, and one town in Sardinia. 2) Catalans are proud of it. There are a ton of different issues regarding nationalism that I won't get into here. Besides heavily promoting their language, Catalan holiday customs are on frequent display. 3) These holiday customs involve poop, which is a Catalan symbol of fertility.

An American friend here started telling me about one tradition, the caga tio ("shit log"; there's supposed to be an accent on the 'o'). I basically didn't believe her or thought that there was a language misunderstanding or something, so when I got an email from my Catalan teacher telling me of an event discussing Catalan xmas traditions, I knew I had to go.

How the shit log works: Families go out and buy a log with a smiley face on it (traditionally I guess they used to go out into the woods and find one). They bring it home and cover it in a blanket to keep it warm. They "feed" it (I think it's kind of like leaving cookies for Santa), and then on the big day (Christmas Eve), kids are made to go to their rooms for a minute while parents stuff treats under the blanket. The kids come out and sing songs, at the end of which they whack the log with sticks. The songs vary, but they seem to generally involve asking for good treats (turrones [Spanish nougat]), threatening further whackings if good treats are not shat out, and pleas to not be given "bad" treats (sardines, coal). I guess they think they're literally whacking the poo out of it, because when they're done, they lift up the blanket and--surprise!!!--turrones and other sweets! And then after the caga tio gives them presents, they burn him.
P.S. Update: I was fact checking with my Catalan roommate and he told me that the log shits out gifts. To double-check, I asked, "Candies and stuff, right?" He said, "Well, that's what's traditional, but nowadays he might shit out a PlayStation."
Don't believe me? It's been documented on the web: check the 2004 Boing Boing entry and the YouTube instructional video. Here's a picture I took at the Christmas booths of some of these friendly, poopy logs for those of you too lazy to check the links.


Of course having only one crap tradition at Christmastime is not enough, so Catalans also have the Caganer. This is a little shitting figurine that is part of all Nativity displays (and somehow not sacrilegious, I guess). The shitter does his thing in the manger, bringing fertility for the following year. It's considered bad luck not to have a shitter in your Nativity scene. He's traditionally an old man, but if you take a look at this site, specializing in making caganers, you'll see that political figures, the pope, and futbol coaches also make the cut. And the folks at the Servei Linguistic, who hosted the event and dinner I went to last night, gave us each one of these. Modeled on those chattering wind-up teeth, this guy's got a little something extra special: a little Christmas poo, just for you! Crappy Holidays!



p.s. any Catalans reading this who want to correct me, have at it!